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Thursday, 2 June 2011

Resistance is futile...

Well, I guess I'm gonna have to start adding a bunch of hearts and LOL's and smiley faces to any further posts, because surprise of all surprises, I have now moved into a new phase of this whole dating life...

Cute New Guy, and I had a date night before last, or as he called it, an "intervention" to save him from his teenagers...  He came over for a glass of wine and a chat, and we got into all sorts of really deep topics like the fact that it's Gorilla Month at the Zoo... which dovetails perfectly into the topic of dating when you're a parent....Especially  wondering how parents of teenagers can navigate having a life of their own, because you have built in chaperones.  It can be worse than when you lived at home and were trying to figure out how to get a little alone time with your current squeeze without your parents catching you with your proverbial pants down....

Parenting teens is a totally humbling experience.  Little kids think the sun rises and sets on you, so you start getting all comfortable with that.  You have a very skewed feel for your own importance in their lives, and then SLAM!!!!!  God turns the little darlings into monosyllabic teenagers to give you a little perspective.  Apparently, when THEY turn about 12, YOUR brains start falling out... Trust me, if you want to get an itemized and very detailed list of your flaws, or just how lame you are, I'd be happy to rent you my teen.  He has NO PROBLEM telling me when I suck.... with contempt dripping from his tongue...

If you think BEING a teen was your biggest time of insecurity, let me give you a little news flash... being the dating PARENT of a teen is even worse.  They catch you kissing or hugging a date and the disgust they show is almost palpable... you can just HEAR their eyes rolling... "EW!  you guys are so DISGUSTING!!!"  God forbid they ever caught you inflagrante or heard anything but snoring emmanating from your bedroom...

I remember at about 16 being absolutely grossed out by the idea that my parents, then in their 50's might actually still be "Doing It."... A friend and I were discussing how GROSS that was when my mom calmly walked through the room and said "Isn't it amazing, that when you kids gain your sexuality, all of a sudden your parents are supposed to LOSE theirs....and YOU become an immaculate conception?"  I have grown to think my mom must really be working on her brain, because she is a LOT smarter than I remember...

The Guy and I have yet to figure out how we will spend any time together except in public places, because at home there is always the chance of your predominantly absent teens choosing that time to come home with the current crisis of the day.... Before we get to that point, however, there is the matter of the dating site profiles and what happens next....

This of course, leads to today's lesson....

 The Guy and I had a chat about internet dating etiquette...basically on the topic of 'bumpin' uglies' with someone who has an active profile .... Being a girl, I'm inherently against it.  I wouldn't um... "date" a guy who was busy "dating" the whole world...

Thank God he appears to feel that way too, so when he went home, he extricated himself from the site... so I spent a while extracating myself last night... funny thing was, all of a sudden there are 13 emails in my inbox, I've been added to someone's "favorites" and I have another 11 matches on E-Melody... no doubt the same quality matches I was fed before so I'm just fine with that.... creepy Biology.com guy is just gonna have to find someone else to cyber stalk I guess... perhaps one of my beautiful single girlfriends...

Not sure I have mentioned that The Guy runs a division of a fairly large company as well as having primary custody of the two teens.  He is well educated, holding an engineering degree as well as an MBA.  He is... how shall we say?... driven. 

He has obviously got a very logical mind, but he's managed to keep a human perspective, which is the part of him that finds common ground with me.  I am a completely logic free person... I can make a list of things I need at the store, and will no doubt forget it, or forget to put the crucial thing I need on it, or I'll lose it...  just like I lost the point of whatever it was I wanted to get across here.... Oh.  Ya.  Here he is, able to run a successful company, manage stresses of his employees, keep on top of doing all the domestic stuff at home, but even he is mentally incompetent in the eyes of his teenagers....I imagine he runs a fairly tight ship, but he faces the same trials as I do on a daily basis and I'm finding that terribly amusing... of course, I can, because my kids are 18 and 20... his, at 16 and 14 still have a ways to go.  I really enjoy hearing the interaction he has, especially with his daughter, because I hear myself in his side of the conversation... just in a lower octave, and the answers back are the same crap my sons feed me on a daily basis...

Here is my chance to interject my theory on teenagers... Well, teenage boys at least... they suffer from what I like to call "Anal-Cranial Displacement Disorder" or ACDD for short... not to be confused with ADD or ADHD.  ACDD causes them to do all sorts of stupid things... not any fault of their own, their heads are just so firmly implanted up their asses, they suffer from a lack of oxygen.  The symptoms do subside over time, but in men will, on occasion, return... you know, like when they forget their girlfriend's birthday, or their aniversary, or have thirty cocktails too many at the company Christmas party.... 

Anyway... I will close with some <3 and :-) and LOLOLOL's because I'm so freaking HAPPY!!! 

...Gagging yet?


Later...

1 comment:

  1. Gag!! HAHA Isn't that what you always say to me!! HEHE xoxoxox

    ReplyDelete