Follow by Email

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

It was nice knowing you... here's your shit back....

Well, I'm sitting here trying to come up with something to blog about, and realize I have abso-freaking-lutely nothing.... Oh.... except to say that once you're over the pain, the worst part of a break-up is giving the guy's stuff back.... It doesn't matter how that goes, it's awkward.


So, in January when the Bachelor and I broke up, I thought I had completely erradicated myself from his apartment.  I seriously thought I had cleared everything I'd had there for my visits, but a pair of my earrings were stuck under the door of the safe.  I would have told him to toss them, but I absolutely love the earrings and had been looking everywhere for them.     


He sent them back with a friend of his who was down in Girls Wearing Dental Floss country for a visit....Bachelor ex is moving from that beautiful locale to a different foreign assignment, so he decided to send them with his buddy instead of waiting until he's here next, which was thoughtful of him,  but now I have to return all of his shit too, and figuring out how to do that is tough.  I've been avoiding the whole thing.  I've had it carefully packed for some time now, so It's not that I want to keep it, it's just that he left a lot more crap at my house than I left at his, so it's not like I can make a switch when I meet his friend.... It just wouldn't be fair to show up at the foodcourt with a forklift.....


It's gotta go though, because I'm guessing having an ex's stuff in my bedroom is probably not a good thing...  There has to be some horrible effect on your future mojo to have the residue of your last lover in there, right?  I mean what do you have to do in order to exorcise that spirit? 

This stage in life brings all sorts of interesting twists.... I figure the "first time" should be somewhere without all the residue of relationships past on both sides.  I don't want to be in a room with the residue of his past either.  And then there's the whole question of our present lives...  

Nothing says romance like hearing 15 teenagers playing "Dance, Dance Revolution" outside that bedroom door, right?... Of course you'd try to time things for when they're asleep, but awake or asleep, let's face it, having a house full of people isn't romantic.  This stage of life reminds me of when it was me who was the 17 year old girl in the house...


The country my ex currently resides in has some interesting ways of getting around the privacy issue....


They have "Love Motels" all over town.  Apparently these are a motel you can rent either by the hour or by the night.  Before you sneer at the cheesy-ness of this, each one has a theme and all sorts of atmosphere... OK....It IS super cheesy, but they definitely serve a purpose....

Why are these common there you might ask?  Because most people live in small apartments in the huge city of over 9 million people.  The other thing, is that most people stay living with their parents until they marry, which makes getting busy a little awkward for both the young couple AND the parents....

I figure there's a market for a motel like that here, if it were targeted for divorced parents of teenagers.... Especially if they installed flattering lighting for women over 40!  You could rent the room for the early evening to cover your bases so you don't get walked in on, becauseTHAT could be a little embarassing if you've decided to 'Christen' the bonus room....


I know at first the "Love Motel" option sounds pretty gross, but some of the nicer ones could rival some of the more chic hotels here.  Seriously.  They come complete with beautiful white linens, hot tubs for two, water falls, saunas and hip decor.  I've heard from friends there, the rooms are clean, and they offer all sorts of ...um...lets just call them ammenities....
I have to admit I was simultaneously in awe and a little grossed out when a couple I met there were celebrating their 20 anniversary, and a group of their friends gave them a timeslot in one of these places as a gift....Apparently the romance package included all sorts of "TUPPERWARE".... Nudge, nudge, wink, wink! 


...and by Tupperware, I mean sex toys... I promise later I'll tell you a story about a "TUPPERWARE" party my friend, the gorgeous Miss "L" had, but if I tell you now, this post will be 3 miles long.....


Anyhow, being much less smart than I APPEAR, I was very relieved to hear all the toys they supply are new, and aren't recycled, and the rooms are apparently fumigated between visitors... Can you imagine having THAT job.... eeeeeeeeew! 


Oh.  Wait....I DO know a guy who would be a perfect candidate if they opened one here.... Remember, I'll Clean Your House if you let me Smell Your Underwear, Dude?....




Later...

No comments:

Post a Comment