I am a grateful woman. There. I said it right out loud, and I mean it.... I went through HELL for three months, and I can't tell you how glad I am the clouds parted, and I made it through....
One of the things I'm most grateful for is feeling normal... I've discussed previously how much fun it is to watch someone else be completely tormented by their teens, but it's also very nice to hear that others have had similar experiences being single and middle aged... The other night Cute Guy and I were exchanging stories... I was sort of working through some of the "Barbie" material in my head, and telling him a little about her week in Atlanta... He interjected with quite the story of his own...
I guess he was approached by a woman on the same dating site we met through, a few months ago... they did the usual exchange of witty banter and then decided to meet for dinner... which as you will see is a dangerous thing to do first date...
As is fairly common, when she walked in the restaurant, he realized she was a lot older than the photo she had posted. After the initial shock, they started to chat and were enjoying each other's sense of humor. I have to say, Cute Guy isn't lost for words very often, but he said he almost choked when mid way through a mouth full of salad she decided to cut to the chase....
She told him she realized she was a lot older than him, but that she wanted to detail why that's a huge advantage... He asked her what the advantage was and she proceeded to tell him. First she is still married and committed to her husband, but he isn't able to perform any longer because he's an invalid, and all she's interested in is sex...
She starts to detail just what that could mean for him...He's a pretty confident guy, and his mind works pretty quickly, so he had a few fairly pointed questions for her I'm sure, but even though I haven't yet seen him at a loss for words, he said it was a surreal experience sitting there listening to the littany of what she would allow him to do to her....
He said it started very quickly to sound like a Dr. Seuss book... "You can put it HERE... you can put it THERE... YOU can put it ANYWHERE!"
As he's concentrating on not choking on his salad, he starts wondering if she's ever had to give the Heimlich after dropping that little bomb shell... He says while it was interesting from a sort of alien encounters viewpoint or that horrifying fascination you get watching a frog dissection, it made for a VERY long meal. When they parted company, he said he would consider her GENEROUS offer....
Being male, once he got home he did sort of a post mortem with a friend of his who we shall just say is a "busy" guy on the dating sites.... Because it had been a while since he'd dated, his buddy's advice was to go for it, but to ensure he used a position where he could block out the 20 year age difference...Cute Guy decided not to pursue that course of action and graciously declined... "I will not do you on your car, I will not do you near or far, I will not stick it in your ear... I do not need you over here!"
So...today's lesson... Ladies, even if all you're looking for is a roll in the hay, why not look for the guys who say they're after the same thing in their profiles... E-mail me, and I can hook you up with "Since of Hummer" guy, "Sniff your Underwear Guy", "Goin Postal Guy", or any of the other guys who've made an appearance here... some of them would be ETERNALLY grateful I'm sure...
Better yet, join the dating site with the "Freak Show" section...Yes, certainly there are men out there who will be completely into that smorgasbord of things you will allow, with no strings attached, but thankfully there are some who might actually want to hit the dessert and brandy portion of the meal before hearing how you want to be used....
Guys, Your lesson here, is don't invest in a whole dinner until you know you want to spend more than an hour with someone....and brush up on your Dr. Seuss....it could come in handy...
Later...
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