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Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Time for a little REALITY check....

I've armed you with a couple of books to read, and share amongst your girlfriends, and I've tried to warn you about the million mistakes I've made in my dating life, and STILL there are those among you who insist on asking my advice....Here's some for you.  I remind you, in the realm of lasting love, I couldn't find my butt with both hands... You were misguided enough to ask, so I'm gonna give you my $.02, and that's about what my advice is worth.

First of all... Date lots... if at first you don't succeed, try again.  If you don't work out with the next person you date, that's ok... date AGAIN... you will find someone you can love and respect it may just take some don't waste your time on some loser you know isn't right. 

There is more than one person who could potentially "fit" with you and your baggage.  You have baggage, he is gonna have baggage... your job is to figure out whether his baggage is manageable.  If he has an ongoing substance abuse problem, or a "sex addiction" Oedipal complex, or any other whack job issue, in my opinion, his baggage is too heavy.  If YOU have an ongoing issue with substance or sex abuse or daddy issues, quit inflicting your sorry ass on other people until you get your shit together.  Seriously. GET HELP...and because you ASKED me, and I now feel omnipotent in the whole giving advice forum, here are a couple more little pearls of wisdom...

I have a couple of friends who are doing their best to move ahead in the world of dating, but need a little butt kick reality check... I have wonderful friends.  I've said that before, and I'll say it again.  BUT - there might be some things you should do differently in order to have a fighting chance with a person of substance....

My friend "B" is a great guy.  He's fun to be around, thoughtful, kind and sweet.  Because he's a great guy, I set him up with a friend a couple of years ago.  He went on the date, and enjoyed himself, laughed all night long, asked for her number, kissed her goodnight and then decided she wasn't for him... that's fine, I have no problem with that part of things, sometimes you just feel things are a little "off". 

What I DO have a problem with, is while "B" is a sweetheart, he is a "husky" guy.  He is not bad looking, but needs to drop about a hundred pounds.  Even then he's no George Cluny.  The rub here, is he decided my friend was too fat, and therefore he wasn't going to pursue the relationship.  He just couldn't see himself naked with her. 

She probably carries about 30 pounds more than she should, but she's very, very pretty.  She's also smart, successful and fun.  She's since found a guy who loves her to death, while "B" is over 46 and is still single... hmmmm... So this advice is, if you aren't Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, you have no right LOOKING for Brad or Angie....Pull your head out of your ASS... if you look like Donald Trump, the only way you're landing the super model is if you're super well endowed in the WALLET appendage... and trust me, she is earning what she gets....

Another friend is wondering why she can't meet her own version of "Cute Guy"... Well, HELLOOOOOO!  The fact that she's banging every guy who messages her on the dating site she belongs to, and getting her KINK on by sending skanky texts to people she's never met could be the main reason. No guy worth his salt is going to get into a meaningful relationship with someone who values themselves so little.  Really. 

A quality man won't want to picture you doing some guy in attendance at his company Christmas party.  Can't you just imagine that?

Company President:  "Hey, Bill, Merry Christmas... I'd like you to meet my wife Sally."

Bill:  "Yes... we've met before....Hi, uh... Sally... nice to s-s-s-see you again.  Have you met my wife Helen?"

Sally:  "Oh.  Hey Bill....On your KNEES!  it's MISTRESS to you, you festering pusstule!...Oh.  Helen... nice to meet you... we should get the kids together for a play date... "

Act as though you have some dignity people... if you like things a little "adventurous"  you can talk to your partner about that once you know him a little better than 3 - 4 sentences exchanged on a kinky sex dating site.  If you're not into farm animals or hanging him from a meat hook, maybe he'll be excited by the idea that you're a freak in the bedroom... Now I know there are probably some Fortune 500 companies that are run by guys who are into goats in lipstick, but they're not going to want that broadcast, and we're talking about the rule not the exception.

We've all seen Pretty Woman where the the successful, handsome guy rescues the hooker from herself.  She acts as though she has some class once the 'Come Do Me' boots come off and they live happily ever after.   Here's a little newsflash for you... that's a fucking "MOVIE".  Not even a movie based on a true story either... so GET A GRIP ON REALITY. 
My last piece of advice for today, is to remember respect is a huge part of any relationship... even with yourself, but take a realistic look at your own baggage before you make judgement about that carried by someone else...  Oh and another teeny detail?  If you keep asking my advice, I will keep giving it, so seriously.  Stop.


1 comment:

  1. Ah reality checks are always good. Thanks for my daily smile E.