Tough as parenting alone is, there are glimmers of hope that come more frequently as the kids start their long road to recovery from ACDD...
My boys are really turning out to be cool people, I mean it's always been cool being their mom....Ok, well... except for that time when the older one got in trouble at school for writing the word F*CK on about 300 popsicle sticks they were using in art class when he was 6 (!)or when the younger one got caught peeing on the school wall during recess... or when the principal of their school knew me so well I had my name on a brass plate on the back of the chair in his office. Ok - that's not true. We did exchange deck plans one summer though....but for the most part it's been ok...
As I've stated before, the last relationship I was in was looooooooong distance....While it sounds like you should live like a hip single when you're not together and then reunite like rabbits when you are, the reality is really different, and not nearly as fun as it sounds...
When you're not together, you attend social functions alone, you eat alone, you sleep alone and hope that he's doing the same in that country with the hot girls.... You deal with losses of pets and parents alone. You just have to deal with your life without someone to have your back. I did that for the entire relationship, and it gets tiresome. When I look at it honestly, for the last year or so I guess I was just in love AT someone and not WITH someone. I had all the shitty things that come with a relationship without any of the perks.
Bottom line, when we split up it wasn't like I had to adjust from having a true, full on relationship to nothing. It was almost like when your favorite character is dropped from some drama on TV.... I mean that sucks, but you get over it....I missed him, but I was used to spending most of my life without him in it. After 3 months of feeling very lost, I realized I'm ready and I deserve to have a real interraction with a real man. Not some character I thought this man to be.... I realize I want to be married again someday. Good GOD am I insane? I don't think so... I may have forgotten all the shit, kinda like you do after childbirth, but I want to try again....
How would my boys feel about that? Well, they're older now, so the impact is different. I want them to have a positive relationship with whatever man I end up with in my life....Long Distance Bachelor was good with them, but was sometimes unsure how to engage them.
With Cute New Guy, I'm sure the interraction should be easier, because he has kids. Presumably he'll have some clue how to talk to them rather than trying to engage them in a dissection of emerging market investment strategy... He probably knows talking about cars, boobs or foods that make you fart would go a lot further... You know, talk to them like you would with any man, because to them, fart jokes are ALWAYS funny.
I'm actually looking forward to the day they have some sort of friendship, but it may take a while...at least with my teen...
My kids approach things very differently. The older of the two, at 20, is FAR more accepting of things that come his way. He is, unfortunately, very like his mother, in that he will look for every opportunity to see the good in people, and will forgive almost anything... Kinda like a dog....
The younger one stands back, lets his brother break the ice, and then reserves judgement for a very long time....even when you make some points with him, screw up and you're back to square 1... HE would be the cat.... I think I mentioned Cute New Guy is a dog AND cat lover.... good thing...
Here's a little synopsis of how the boys think....
Number 1 Son: "Oh, you're here to pick up my mom? GREAT... Come on in! What do you do for a living?.... Oh COOL! I didn't know there was a real market for ax murder, but I can see how the dismemberment part would keep you challenged! You must need a real skill for that. Have you been doing it long?... Wow! 27 victims! Oh so there's a FUTURE in that... Who Knew?! Another beer?......
And later....."Mom, this guy's AWESOME... did you know he plays BASS??"
Things are a little different with the other one....
Number 2 Son: "Oh. So you think you're taking my MOM out?! Can I see some ID please? OK - Assume the position with your hands clasped on top of your head. Now I'm just going to set up this lie detector and ask a few questions... Oh, those electrodes I'm attaching to your scrotum? You don't have to worry about those IF you tell the TRUTH.....
What EXACTLY do you do for a living? Hmmmm..... Minister to the homeless, turn water into wine AND multiply loaves and fishes? ......Huh. What do you do for fun, and I mean BESIDES my mom... Oh REALLY?! You walk on WATER...Ya. Sure you do"....
...And later..."Mom, I'm not sure how he beat the test, but this guy's a DOUCHE!...Either that or he's GAY!".... Rolling his eyes.....
Son number 2's prediction, is that The Guy's 17 year old daughter is going to be just as tough on me.... I'm thinking that could be a safe bet... Dad hasn't had anyone of significance in his life for a while, and his daughter is in that female estrogen Hell that is 16 turning 17....
His resolve cracked a little when he met The Guy, they seem to have a similar sense of humor.... I'm hoping the fart jokes come out soon...
Later....
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