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Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Shock and OW! - you're gonna cut me WHERE?!

Saturday afternoon I went out for a coffee with my realtor-slash-friend.... He is an imposing man, standing about 6 foot 4, and is extremely muscular having played professional football in his younger days. I find him very amusing because he’s extremely animated and can tell a story like nobody else.


I've recommended him to friends looking for a home for a couple of reasons. First, he's a very good realtor, and second, he's absolutely hilarious to go look at homes with.



He’s a year or so older than me, so we share our commiserations about suddenly being “middle aged”. 
His girlfriend is a very pretty woman a few years younger than he is, and they've decided to start a family. Because in his wilder days he made the decision he didn't want to be a father, 'Big R' had a vasectomy, so they're getting a little intervention from the fertility clinic.


He and I are both people who probably "over-share" a little, but we get each other, so enjoy hearing what's going on in the other's life. We generally meet about every three months or so, just to touch base.... and here's the meat of this session.... no pun intended....


After exchanging pleasantries at the local Starbucks, we started getting into the catch up phase of our visit since we hadn't chatted in a bit. When I asked him what was going on with the baby situation, his answer was "Well, my part's done."
So before I remembered his back story, I said "Yours was the easy part!" "Not so much..." he says, and that's when I remember the whole snippage situation...

Because we like to share I asked him if he'd had to have a reversal, or whether they'd gone in to harvest.... He says... "Um... ya, well they decided to go in and do a harvest, so that I wouldn't have to have full on surgery, but that isn't quite how it worked out...." He proceeds to tell me when they tried to give him a local, the freezing didn't take.... so they tried again, and again to freeze him with the same result every time.
When they realize it just isn't going to work, they decide to try the other side. Same result there.... so he says to the doctor "OK - so if you can't freeze me, let's just do it without anesthetic. How long will I be in pain start to finish." The doctor's answer is about 12 minutes, so being a pretty strong guy, he decides he'll tough it out.
At this point I’m wincing because he describes a procedure where in order to position things correctly, there’s a nurse basically holding his jewels in her hand while the doctor goes in with a large harvesting needle, wiggling it around to make sure he's in the right spot.  He says there the nurse was, holding the most intimate part of his anatomy, but not making any eye contact… 
He said when the doctor put the syringe’s contents into the microscope, there was a second female technician, with her back to him watching a screen to see if there were any live sperm.  All he could see was the technician shaking her head no… so they tried a couple more times, again on both sides, to no avail. 
Finally they decided to actually cut into his testicle to remove a chunk of flesh where his swimmers should be… still no luck.  The doctor did a test of the tissue, and determined that ‘Big R’ must be on steroids.  “No, Doc, I don’t do that stuff anymore… crap! I’m 50 years old… if I was on steroids, I’d tell ya.”
After some questioning back and forth, it was determined he’d been on some dietary supplement bought over the counter at one of those weight lifter stores, with more anabolic effect than when he actually WAS on steroids in his football days. He said they found that he had about 8 times the normal level of testosterone in his system!
It was decided he needed to take some medication to counteract the steroid effect for a couple of months and they could try the whole procedure again.  “You know, I’ve been stitched up a million times, because I had injuries when I was playing ball” he says,  “They always used those metal staples to close me up, and that’s pretty quick… but NOOOO I have to get the doctor that’s doing this…” as he pantomimes someone sewing with a very long thread making that little jerking motion at the end to ensure the stitch is tight…. Laughing, I told him “You know, you’re the only MAN that could tell that story and make it funny.” 

He responded “Ya… it always makes me laugh when I tell guys, because they sit there, cross their legs, wince and finally put up their hand and say ENOUGH!”.

He added that the procedure both times left him black and blue from his belly button down to about mid thigh and feeling as though he'd been "kicked hard in the bag".  It was so bad, he "didn't even want to touch" himself... um...ok... I'm PRETTY sure he meant to wash...
I have to give the guy credit. He went back a couple of months later for a second go round… again without freezing…. And this time it was successful. 
Because he read most professional athletes are born in the spring, they’re holding off trying until they can "plan" a spring baby… Good luck with that... I've found kids have their OWN ideas about things, but I have my fingers crossed for him… I’m guessing any guys reading this probably have their LEGS crossed for him too….
I was a good girl, and didn't tell him I imagine when his son turns about 15, and he's 65 or so he'll feel like he's been kicked in the nuts on a daily basis....

Later….

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Counting down....

So I've been a little remiss in keeping up here, but give me a break...it's been a busy couple of weeks.  I've had CG back for a few days, and am also packing to go on my excursion... and I'm happy to say, I don't have to haul a bunch of crap with me to Thailand for other people, so unlike going down to visit the Bachelor, I am able to concentrate on my own stuff.  I packed everything I need for a 2 week trip in a carry on bag and a backpack.  Seriously. 

I suspect on the way home things won't be quite as pared down.  Interesting concept this editing of stuff.  Been editing a lot of personal stuff too... trying to reduce my baggage....  I am a mom, I'm 49 years old, have been through a few heartbreaks in my life... actually, in the last year even, and even more fun, I'm menopausal... WOO-HOO!  So... trying to keep baggage to a minimum is paramount.... but there are just times you have to work through the shit.

The bachelor has now moved from that beautiful tropical locale, to a large hub in the US for a few months before heading to the Middle East.  I got a note from him saying he's seeing someone.  Well, so am I, so that's not at issue.  I'm genuinely ok with that, because I wouldn't trade that cold and lonely existence that was the long distance relationship I had with him for the warmth I have with CG for anything.  That doesn't mean there aren't things that hurt about the WAY it happened though.

He is now living with the new girlfriend.  Ouch...
According to the rumor mill, he met her in the city he WAS working in.  That means he has either been hit by lightening, which knowing him is a virtual impossibility, or he was at the very least falling for her while he was with me.  No matter how secure I am, that smarts.  Besides that, since he's never lived with anyone before, I have to be honest and say I was hoping CG and I might get to that place first.

Just when I started to feel like shit because I was so easily replaced, I went to my mail box, and found a beautiful card from a guy who was my grade 10 sweetheart.... we have remained close friends for all these years despite my breaking up with him after spending a summer apart... and making a pretty monumental change to my appearance and attitude...  I told you before, I was a very late bloomer... so that summer, I ditched the horrible glasses I wore in grade 10, highlighted my hair, bought new clothes and returned to school a new girl.  I had outgrown my fear of being away from my family.  I was a 16 year old girl living in Rome, and decided I'd outgrown him as a boyfriend.  I never outgrew him as my friend though, and hearing the words he wrote on the card was just what I needed.  Thanks "G" for your unfailing support through the years. 

Now before you decide I'm still pining for the bachelor, I assure you I'm not.  I am happier with CG than I've been in a loooooong time.  He feels like home.  I am content and comfortable to be who I am, and I don't have to edit what I say to him... well... not much anyhow.  We are still dancing around the words to express feelings here....I'm about to leave for two weeks in Thailand, and I feel sad to be leaving him behind... but we're now halfway through our 5 week stint of apart time.  I am seriously hoping he misses me even half as much as I missed him while he was away. 

It's Sunday morning, he's cooking me dinner tonight, and we have an evening alone and free of kids, so I'm looking forward to tonight, and downtime with him.  I love just spending time with him alone.....with our kids...with friends... even on the phone...we just fit, and he makes me laugh loud and often.  Who'd have thought an internet dating site could give that to me? 

All I can tell you, is I hope someday the Bachelor and I get to a place where we can be friends and support one another's choices the way "G" and I have done.  I have to throw in though, if the Bachelor proposes to his new love romance-movie-style and I'm still single, it'll sting, even though I won't be wishing he'd proposed to me.  Really.

Later...

Friday, 12 August 2011

Time crawls while he's having fun....

Could these two weeks go any slower?  I swear to GOD it feels worse than my long distance relationship did, and I had anywhere from 6 weeks to three months apart then...

CG and his kids are on a cruise of the Greek islands... it seems he's been away a couple of months, while in real time it's been just 11 days.... I think we've entered into some bubble in the time/space continuum where time is flying for him but has slowed down to a crawl for me, and I'm pretty sure God's VERY entertained. 

It's been super busy at work, so the days are passing with me not getting as much done as I want to, but DAMN the evenings are going by so slowly. I don't want the time to go quickly for him, because it's bonding time with his kids, and he's on vacation which he really needed... but I guess I like him more than I realized, because I really miss him....

Part of the issue, of course, is there have been a few difficult things for me to navigate since he left, and it just would've been nice to have his ear... the funeral for my friend's 5 year old being the start, my son leaving home for school this morning, and finding out about my dad's memorial service on top of that.  I have to say, though, he's texted every day, except the day after they arrived in Europe, and he's called me three times... I know, spoiled girl....

Once he gets back, I'm sure time will travel at warp speed for a few days, because we have just 8 days together before I leave for Thailand, and I'm guessing he's gonna be pretty jetlagged upon his return.  Then we have another two weeks apart.... again, I don't wish for things to be inequitable between us, so I hope when it's me on vacation, he misses me so the time goes slowly for him and quickly for me.

I'm starting to get excited now, because this trip, which I booked over 8 months ago, is so close, and so exotic.  I need a break from the office, and from my younger son, "Toby"... who has been a big fat pain in my ass the last week or so...

You may remember I described him as the cat to my older son's dog... With his brother's imminent departure, the surly teen has re-emerged, and his ACDD (Anal Cranial Displacement Disorder) is worse than ever... I need an intervention badly...

Toby is gonna have to adjust some of his behavior with his older bro' gone... "Miles", the older of the two, has always taken on the role of the ice breaker... Even as a little guy,Toby would let Miles do the heavy lifting when it came to meeting new people.  He would stand back and let Miles introduce himself, and IF the natives were friendly, THEN Toby would saunter over, let Miles introduce him, and then he'd entertain the troops.... He's a VERY funny guy, but just introverted enough to be pretty quiet in unfamiliar surroundings...

Miles and CG hit it off the first time they met.  As a matter of fact, CG remarked that he wasn't sure his kids would be as friendly with me (they were).  They've gone fishing together, and even out for a beer...He hasn't had that kind of welcome from Toby though.  Tobs has avoided more than pleasantries so far, but did sit politely through dinner one night when I had CG and another couple, who have been friends of mine since my kids were little, over for dinner.  I think Toby is waiting for CG to make the first overture, but CG doesn't want to push himself on him... tough impasse.

I may have a solution though...I sent CG a text a few days ago saying I was really gonna miss Miles, because like all moms, I love my kids, but most of the time I really LIKE both of them too... He cracked me up when he sent a text back... "Well---take them on a cruise in a small cabin. It might take the edge off your feelings. Just sayin'..."

My answer was to suggest we trade kids for a week after he gets back... Toby would probably be polite if he was staying with a stranger, and would appreciate the MAN FOOD that CG is an expert at preparing... tons of red meat and guacamole.... PLUS, there's only him to contend with...and they'd have a chance to bond a bit.

CG's kids would likely be polite with me for a week... although food around here might have to be take out since I seem to be eating not a lot in an effort to drop that 5 pounds I'm fully expecting to gain on my trip...

I think it's a great idea, and CG would be getting off easy with just one kid motivated by steak, but he has yet to answer....

Later...






Thursday, 11 August 2011

To Text or Not to Text....

You hear about relationships that have ended in hatred.  I'm glad to say I have rarely experienced a really bad ending to any of the relationships I've had.  There have been a couple of crappy breakups, but they're few and far between...

There’s no love between me and my ex -husband, and the last….ok…12.5 years of our 13 year marriage was effin’ horrible, but at least we can sit and have a meal together with our kids when something big goes on in their lives, or there’s something to be discussed….

I had him over for dinner the other night, because our oldest is leaving town tomorrow to move away for school.  We were cordial, I made something he liked to eat, and we had a glass of wine.  We have nothing in common but the boys anymore so we basically made small talk until he left early to go do... whatever it is he does in his private life.
When the kids get married, they’ll never have to worry about fist fighting between us or our dates… that’s just so freaking immature.  What the Hell is the point of carrying that crap around, especially when you’re a parent?  Let the shit go.  I mean, if you have to let go of your walker to take a swing at the woman who stole your husband 40 years ago, or the guy who treated your wife badly in her former marriage you might just want to address that.  There are classy ways to act after a break-up, and ways that aren’t so classy…

When you’re 15 acting like a prize ass is sort of expected… Thankfully, when I was in my teens and twenties they didn’t have things like Twitter and Facebook, so the worst you could expect beyond the regular gossip that ensued was to have something like “Merlot is a Bitch” scratched into a desk or the bathroom wall…
With the advent of social media, the whole world can be made privy to the inner workings of a failed relationship… Seriously, I’m glad we didn’t have that stuff when I was younger, because I would have been way too tempted to use it for evil… like when my boyfriend told me he wanted the weekend off, and then came back three days later engaged… that was a tough one on the ego, and I’d be missing out on a life-long friendship if I’d had the ability to post how hurt and disappointed I was…
I love shocking my kids with the horrible social vacuum I had to endure because we only had a single phone line in our house, and I wasn’t allowed to accept or make calls after 10 at night… we actually had to deal with a whopping 10 hours without knowing exactly what our friends were doing, until we saw them at school the following day… I KNOW crazy, right?
Even seasoned adults can show just how immature they can be, even in their mid 50's….  We’ve chatted about my lovely friend "C" before… she’s the beautiful, straight talking, petite Italian fireball who is looking for love on the internet… She’s only single and looking, because her husband of 26 years left her about three years ago.  While his decision devastated her, she has moved on with grace.
When they split up, they decided to keep “joint custody” of their two dogs, so things have remained relatively cordial between the two of them.  They talk about the dogs, he has called to get advice from her from time to time.  She spent a year having a nice home built for herself, and the day she took posession he asked her to "try again".  It was a little too late by then, because she'd moved on.  He's been living with a woman for the last several months, and “C” has been friendly with her as well.  She’s a class act.
The other day, she called me just incredulous.  “Jeez-US… you’re not going to believe the text message I got from “J”!  We spent 26 years together, and he TEXTS me to tell me he got engaged over the weekend.”  Seriously, getting engaged is something that perhaps warrants a phone call to the woman you lived with for almost 3 decades in my estimation.  Text messages have a place, but in this instance, it’s just dick-less to deliver that sort of news that way.
Once in a while getting big news via text isn't so bad though.  Like when the recipient bursts into tears reacting to happy news... this happened to me last year.  A very good friend of the Bachelor's and mine texted me from London about a week after he and I split.  She didn’t realize we’d broken up, so was just sharing the very happy news that she was getting married...

There I was, with my eyes streaming tears, my nose red and running, unable to catch my breath, but texting her back to congratulate her.  She thanked me for helping her navigate her long distance relationship because she'd asked my advice while I was in my three year looooong distance romance.. you know, the one that had just ended....

I was thrilled for her, honest, but a little pissed at God when she not only announced she’d become engaged over Christmas after dating long distance for just a year... The fact that her fiance proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower at midnight on New Year’s Eve was a little rough to take….  Honestly, THE TOP OF THE EIFFEL TOWER?  NEW YEAR'S EVE?  That shit belongs in a movie....

Later...

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Romance and Housework...

Ok - kids, time to get back to talking about dating....

New relationships over 45 are interesting.  You are still young enough to want the fairy tale, but old enough to be set in your ways to some degree.... and old enough to know the person you're romancing is human...With morning breath and bouts of gas...

CG and I have both been out of our first marriages for over 10 years, and neither of us have tried it a second time... I've lived with someone since, he hasn't... I think we would both like to have the fairy tale, but when you have homes, kids and investments of various kinds, the romance has to take a back seat to self preservation on occasion. 

Even though the last two relationships I've had, have been with men with far more net worth than me, I would never enter into a marriage without a prenuptual agreement.  The first and foremost reason being I never want someone thinking I'm involved with them, their brother, son, dad, uncle or friend for financial gain.  Ever.  Money, a good career or what someone drove has NEVER been my reason to date someone....  

The second reason for a prenup is self protection.  If there was a split, I'd want to know I would still be able to live the way I'm living now, and so that my kids will inherit something.  I have investments, I own property, and I'd like my hard work to at least help them raise their families.  Besides that, it just takes the nasty out of an already difficult situation.  Should a couple enter into a marriage and decide to split, there is far less to fight about if the finances have been dealt with up front. 

That being said, I'd probably take a page from CG's family practices... he has his kids sign contracts for all sorts of things... he pays them for making good grades at school, and has a formulaic approach to that.  He pays a certain amount for certain grades, and they sign acknowledging they understand how the payout will occur... If I ever do decide to marry again, I think I'll have a contract written up just between the two of us stipulating a "No Cheat" order and a "Date Night" clause...  probably a "Never Initiate Sex Without Kissing Me First" one too...  I think those things are important... Who know's what a guy would put in there, but I'm guessing something detailing the frequency of oral sex or who gets to be on top, and maybe a maximum weight limit for their partner...

CG and I had a pretty candid talk about how things can screw up once you've "Done the Deed".  How little things start to change as you become familiar with one another....being a straight arrow, I gave him as direct a rebuttal as I could to his statement.  While a physical relationship isn't something I enter into lightly, I like sex.  My ex husband would vehemently argue that fact I'm sure, given that I could've entered a convent three years before we split and have nothing to confess.... but here's a little newsflash for ya...I think it's a communication tool between a couple, and for me that's a pretty good barometer of how the rest of the relationship is going.... Oooooh I could magpie on that for a while, but let's get back to CG and me....

We were talking about how many married men complain about not getting laid.  He was describing how he'd told his sister once she should make that a priority in her marriage, because it's really an important part of the relationship.   

My rebuttal to his wonderfully honest comments was simple.  I told him if he was concerned that could happen between us, there was an easy way to ensure it wouldn't..."If you treat me the way you did before we had sex, I will always want to have sex with you." 

I think that's the key to a happy marriage.  Of course things become more familiar, and it's easy to get bogged down in the day to day.  Starting our relationship at this age has it's advantages though.  We don't have little kids to try to schedule things around.  We won't be up all night with diapers and feedings and we won't be struggling the same way financially as we did when we were starting out with our respective spouses.  It should be easier for us to remember to do the little stuff...at least until the Altzheimer's kicks in....

So.  Here's today's two second lesson... To any woman who uses sex as currency in her marriage or relationship, STOP IT... and to any man who isn't getting it enough... seriously, Dude... pick up a freaking dish cloth, or do a load of laundry... you have no idea how sexy that is to a woman... Really...

Later...

Saturday, 6 August 2011

Voyeur

Watching someone else's pain when it's real and not in the movies just isn't a fun thing to do.  Today was the funeral for my dear friends' 5 year old son, and watching the strength of that couple as they stood to chronicle the last day of their baby's life, was absolutely heartwrenching to say the least.

They will remember the sweet little boy they lost and will likely see his face in every young man who mimics his age, as his twin sister grows, and they will remember him in every 5 year old boy.  To hear details of how he spent that last day was painful, and left the congregation in tears.... I want to tip my hat to both of them.  They ARE what people should strive to be like.  They showed strength, humility and love through this pain, and I am in awe of them. 

My family is also facing an impending memorial service as well, because we will have a celebration of the life of my father in October.  Quite a different memorial, as he had the chance to live a very healthy, full and long life. 

He left us Christmas day, and it's taken us this long to get to a place where we will be able to tell jokes and stories about my dad's impact on the people around us, with a drink in hand and a genuine smile on our faces.  My father INSISTED we not have a funeral.  He always told us he wanted a plain pine box to be cremated in, and he wanted a party with a Dixieland Jazz band.  He wanted smiles and laughter, not tears and heartache, so we will do our best to honor the most honorable man I have ever known. 

Saying goodbye to someone who lived such an amazing life is sad, but the one thing I can say, is my father had no regret, and lived EVERY day of his 88 years 9 months to the fullest.  The last three months when he knew he wasn't going to win the fight were tough slogging but he was an amazing man.  An extraordinary human being, and as I've said before, we thought so when he was alive too... we haven't canonized him in death.

Before he died, I had the unique opportunity of interviewing my dad for a story I wrote for the web page of the oil company he and I both worked for.  It was a great experience because I got to see my dad from a whole other perspective....  I never pictured my dad as one of the guys... but he sure was....  He shared all sorts of stories with me about his days as a geologist, working in the Rocky Mountains on a string of pack horses in the 40's....

One of the anecdotes he shared with me, happened in 1947 when he was a summer student... he was working out in the field, but he and his field partner came in to town for some meetings so were staying in a hotel for a couple of nights.  It was an incredibly hot summer, and they decided to buy a few beers to refresh them after a long day... this was before air conditioning was readily available, so the hotel room was very hot and stifling, and they had been unable to buy any cold beer.  The decision was made to cool the warm bottles they bought under the shower in the bathtub....

The bottles had come wrapped in individual paper mache sleeves, which they, being engineers, decided would be great to help cool the beers off faster.  They were "so thirsty" they decided to drink a warm one while they waited for the others to cool off...BLECH...  After opening the windows and propping open the door in order to get some air movement through the room, they sat down on the balcony to drink their one warm beer, and chat. 

Apparently they chatted longer than they thought...When my dad got up to go to the bathroom to check on the beers, his socks became wet because the carpet was covered with about a quarter inch of water.

Needless to say, the paper mache 'beer jackets' had melted off the bottles, plugged the drain, and the water was slooshing over the side of the tub....  They started to panic worried the water would seep through the ceiling to the room beneath them... so, they went to sop up the water with their bath towels.  When they went to get them, they found out housekeeping had only left them a single set of towels....

Dad said they didn't get a lot of sleep that night because they had to sop up the water, wring out the towel in the bathtub, and do it again and again and again.... By the time the sun was rising, they got the bulk of the water soaked up, but they decided to make a quick getaway before someone found out.  Like theives in the night, they left before it was completely light outside....

I would never have pictured my dad doing something like that.  It made him much less Godlike in my eyes, and replaced that image with one of a human being with faults.  Not many, I assure you, but still fallible.  One or two slips in 88 years of being an upstanding guy who didn't just yap about his moral standing but lived and breathed it every single day during my lifetime, isn't bad...

The hours I spent interviewing him for that story, are among the most precious I spent with him.  He was just a guy, telling me very interesting stories about his early days with the company I now work for...  I have a few great stories about my early years there right out of highschool, before I went to college too... and I hope someday I will relate those tales to my boys.... and they'll see me without my mom-badge on.

Later...

Monday, 1 August 2011

Mirror, mirror on the wall.......

So CG and I are heading into an interesting 6 weeks...

Tomorrow is the big day... he and his kids leave for Europe.  They're taking a cruise from Venice to Greece, via Croatia.  Sounds like a great trip for them, and I hope they have a fabulous time. He gets back two weeks from Wednesday, so about 15 days apart.  Then he's back for 8 days before I take off for Thailand for a couple of weeks for my own holiday.  I can tell already I will miss him while both vacations are on.

Neither of us has said "I love you" yet... the closest we've come is a text he sent on our two month-aversary... "I live you.  Was that supposed to be and "o" or a "k"?"...
So that's the new thing... we "live" each other... I'm guessing it's the twilight zone between the two feelings... I know I'm falling, but I have to say, having been kicked in the head a time or two, I'm trying to remain realistic yet optomistic about the prospect.  

 The original intent when I booked this trip was to go lick my wounds and try to get over my last heartbreak.  Clearly, that's no longer an issue, and I'm grateful for that.  Thanks very much to my friend the delightful Miss "L" who told me long before things blew up that I had fallen for someone who was never going to commit to me.  When I fall, I fall hard, and want to believe in the fairy tale.  Thing is, it's way more fun to be in "live" WITH someone than to be in LOVE at someone.  I guess the whole premise of my Asian vacation has now changed to going to see the sights. 

After watching The Hangover 2, I know there are sights to see outside Bangkok....and that's what I'm looking forward to most.  The movie didn't make the city itself look like somewhere spectacular, but I'll let you know when I get back, as they were trying to show the seedier side of things. 

I'm sure for some narrow minded men, a lot of the allure of vacationing in the city is the supposed "culture difference" that makes age a "non-issue"... This story has been handed to me by more than one aging lothario who doesn't appreciate the beauty in any woman over 40, and who will broadcast all the things that are wrong with a woman's aging body.  Sorry kids, but that's a load of shit... No matter where you are in the world.  True, there is a handful of men who are over 50 and still sexy to someone in their 20's, but as we've touched on before, if you're NOT George Cluny or Jon Bonjovi, you are deluding yourself. (If you ARE someone who's aged like they have, then go nuts...  ) 
How I know this, is I WAS once a 20 year old who was hit on by the over 45 guys, and I had a zillion girlfriends from all over the world who had the same things happen to them....Whether you like it or not, your ear hair and pot belly are no more appealing in Thailand, Romania, Egypt, Brazil, France or Italy.  Keep in mind, my perspective is that of a woman who, in the eyes of many men, is PAST HER PRIME... that's your disclaimer here....

When these guys have told me about their good fortune with foreign women, I notice the women are generally impoverished, and the men turn into benevolent benefactors....That should be their first clue that it isn't their man boobs the girls find sexy... period... These guys are being taken advantage of just the same as they're taking advantage of the women they are squiring.

I find it funny talking to women in their 20's who look at Brad Pitt as though he's some old man.... and if that can even happen to him, a GOD among men, then... use... your... head.

I don't mean to generalize.  There are relationships that work out because they're based on mutual respect no matter whether it's the man or woman who is 15 - 20 years older... I know a few men who have entered into marriages with women in several foreign countries.  They've chosen to adopt the culture and embrace life there, entering into a committed relationship. 

To the men who travel looking to get laid to make themselves feel more virile, and who then marginalize women in any way, I find that hard to respect.  Do whatever it is that blows your hair back.  Seriously.  But why does the age of the woman in question come into the conversation at all? 

I'm sure I will have some interesting stories to share once I'm back.... but until then, I'm going to try to pass the next two weeks hanging with the girlfriends I haven't seen much since CG and I started hanging out together... and when he's back...I will then have a week with a man who looks at me, in my almost 50 year old body, with desire in his eyes... he doesn't focus on my jowls or my muffin top... he finds ME sexy, and recognizes he is of the same vintage.... he is an amazing father and a nurturing partner to have, while remaining 100% male, and that I find incredibly sexy... but I'm 49, and not 23....

I am absolutely going to keep my girlfriends close, because even IN a fantastically fun relationship, it's VERY important to keep your perspective... and girlfriends help with that.

Later....