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Monday, 27 June 2011

Just call me Cupid!

OK - so something way too funny happened yesterday....but before I tell you that, I have to give you a bit of back story...

Facebook is just the coolest social tool... I have rekindled friendships with all sorts of people from my past.  For example, about a year ago, I got a note from a guy who sat beside me in my grade 8 English class.  He was really 'cute' back then, but I would've bet my left arm he hated my guts.  The most vivid memory I have of him beyond the fact that he had super dark hair and really interesting light eyes, is a day we had a pop quiz worth about 40% of our English mark. 

The look of abject terror on his face because he hadn't studied was sad as hell, and when I noticed he was struggling and trying to look at my paper, I allowed him to cheat from my exam.  I had studied so I was reasonably sure if he copied some of my answers he'd at least pass... needless to say, we got caught and raked over the coals....

The note I got from him last year was an apology... he said he'd thought about that situation lots over the years, and he just wanted to come clean and tell me he felt badly about it.  I sent something back basically saying "Um... thanks but it's been like 30 years...I'm so OVER it."... I mean it had been a loooooong time, and besides that, I can't remember being pissed off at him at all, I was mad at the English teacher for not recognizing it was ME who had the right answers... even though he admitted at the time he was the one cheating.  She did let me have my grade after I whined and cried, but she never did recognize my brilliance... and I'm sure she'd be REALLY impressed with my effortless prose now...

Anyhoo, over the course of reconnecting with this guy, he confessed having had a crush on me back then, but being too scared to ask me to "go out".  I always find that amusing when you're talking about 8th graders... I mean, seriously.

I was actually taken aback by the statement.  All I will tell you, is that I was a VERY late bloomer.  I know you're likely shocked and screaming "NO!" given the stunning, fashion savvy beauty I am now, celulite, jowls and all, but I  was a skinny, gawky, glasses wearing geek with no fashion sense.  He was...well... cute.  

He and I have struck up a real friendship over the last few months.  Him going through a divorce from his wife, and me with my breakup with the Bachelor, and subsequent internet dating adventures and now budding relationship with Cute Guy. 

Yesterday morning, I was putting together my post, when I got a note from a girl I met in 12th grade when I came back here.... She is just cute as a button, and one of those women who is always smiling.  She's a busty little blonde with pretty hazel eyes.... she is a flight attendant on a really fun airline, so she's got that bubbly personality you'd expect.  She and I are friends on Facebook, but I haven't actually been in the same room with her for years and years....

She had made a few comments on posts on my wall after my dad died, because she lost her father the year before, but that was the limit of our interaction.... until yesterday.....

Her note to me, said she'd noticed the sweet posts from my 8th grade buddy, and wanted to know more about him.  Her note hinted that she thought he might be Cute Guy.  I assured her he wasn't, so she proceeded to tell  me she'd been following his posts to me ever since he'd indicated he "liked" a comment she'd made to me. 

My English cheating friend has recently lost 50 pounds, is starting to look like that cute boy in my class, and still has the sparkly light eyes and thick hair he had back then, although his hair is now salt and pepper, not black.  Even though he's doing a real metamorphosis back to the person he used to be, he still sees himself as a middle aged, sort of frumpy guy....

My girlfriend was sort of gushing about how cute he is in a sweet way, so I offered to introduce them via Facebook... I sincerely hope they see the good shine in each other that I see in each of them. 
Since then, I've gotten a few notes from each of them telling me how excited they are to "meet" and get to talking...    This will be a long distance friendship, but since she is a flight attendant, there's the chance they could actually meet up someday soon...They're both asking ME for dating advice... How freaking hysterical is that?I'm a 49 year old with a failed marriage and two subsequent failed long term relationships under my belt, so I'm CLEARLY qualified to tell THEM how to manage a relationship... Well, if I can't be a role model, let me be a terrible warning...Because I like being consulted because it makes me feel so smart, I had to come up with some advice, and therein is today's dating lesson....

The Bachelor and I lost the spark of our relationship based on a couple of things.  The biggest being our chosen method of communication.   Because of the distance we would rely on Blackberry Messenger for most of our communication.  That is a BIG mistake.... at first he was texting me every half hour or so, sometimes with big long texts describing his new world, sometimes just short little texts telling me he was thinking about me etc... but as he built a social life, he started to text less often. 

Being A) Female and B) Easily distracted by things more fun than my job, or BS at home, I really, really, really missed the attention.  I had grown to really look forward to hearing that sound my phone made when an incoming BBM arrived...    Problem is, that started to be less and less frequent, and more often than not, they were bullet point instructions on something he needed me to do for him here.  He became cold in my eyes and I became whiny in his.  No matter how you dress that shit up it isn't romantic....

So.  Today's lesson, is to PICK UP THE PHONE.  If you're in a relationship that's online especially.  We only convey about 10% of a message through the words we choose.  The rest is through body language and intonation... so while you can't see body language over the phone, at least you can hear the tone of voice... Better yet, have a chat using Skype or something like that so you cah SEE the person... although for me I'd require flattering lighting and makeup first...

Guys - try to treat your woman like someone you want to see naked more than once, not like a freaking business partner when you're in a situation where you have to text....

Ladies - try to remember that no matter how business-y the texts from your guy are, he's MALE and therefore would nail you any time, anywhere given the chance...

My cute little friend and I are planning to meet for a glass of wine or a beer or something... We haven't seen each other in 30 years (!) so we have a LOT to catch up on.... I hope my introduction is the start of something for both of my friends, because they both deserve something good.

Don't I just sound like Cupid? 

Pretty soon I'll be LOL-ing and smiley facing all over the place...GAG....

Later...

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