I've told you before, "dating" over the internet is rather surreal. That first meeting isn't an actual date in my opinion, but rather a business meeting to see if there's a snowball's chance in Hell for an actual date to happen....
For me, as for many people I'm guessing, there is an instant spark that has to occur before I can even consider moving further along... I mean, I have to be able to see myself potentially kissing this person without reacting like the poor cat in the Pepe Lepieu cartoons....
My guess is the decision on whether there is that potential happens within about the first 1.7 seconds or so... sad but true... so probably worth that one last check to ensure you don't have pit stains or grease on your tie... or for the women, lipstick on your teeth and your bra straps showing before you leave the house....
Clearly, there is that potential you're viewing yourself much like the contestants on the first few episodes of each season of American Idol... You know, the people who THINK they can sing until they receive that stinging criticism telling them they'd be better off dreaming of being a chicken plucker.... We all want to believe we're attractive, and that we'll find someone similar to spend our time with....
This last "meeting" I went on, I was nervous, and ended up missing the turn into the location we agreed upon, so was about 5 minutes late. I called to let him know I didn't have a clue how to get access because you can't turn in there off the main drag, so I blew past the place and had to do a big loop to get back there...
He directed me in over the phone, and I could tell we were actually going to be able to talk without that halting conversation that seems to be the norm, because we were joking around on the phone... Him: "... Ok so continue down that road you're on... do you see a big white truck, and the homeless guy with the big blue bag?" Me: "Ok - yes, I can see the truck...... so, is the guy with the blue bag you?!"... Him: No, but he's my brother, and we look a lot alike...I'm inside, just turn left when you come in the door...."
When I actually got in the pub, and he stood up to meet me, I was pleasantly surprised to see that along with the wit and confidence was a guy even more attractive than his picture, and no blue bag in sight. THAT is a pleasant surprise, because let me tell you, when you walk in and 1.7 seconds later are wishing you'd arranged to have your entire body waxed instead of having to sit there for the requisite hour, and you're constantly checking your phone HOPING your house is on fire so you can leave, it's not pleasant. When the meeting is clearly not going to lead to any sort of second encounter, it's painful, because how do you end things without your inside voice coming out?.... You actually say out loud "It was nice meeting you, thanks." ........but your inside voice is screaming "Thank fucking GOD that's over.... there's 2 hours of my life I can never get back...."
If the guy is interested and you're clearly not, and he leans in for a kiss and you take that giant step back because he's invading your invisible comfort zone with a look of sheer terror on your face it can make him feel like a knob... Thankfully, I have only been on the receiving end of the step in, never caused that reaction, at least that's how my "American Idol view" sees it....I have had one date that ended with the guy giving me a hug and telling me how he really wanted to see me again but he never followed through on a call.
The other thing to consider even after a successful first meeting, is, you're likely not going to close your profile until you're fairly certain things are going to go beyond a third or fourth actual date, so how awkward to have met, and then to find each other online on the dating site right away... which is what happened after this last meet and greet. (Before going on, I want to qualify, we actually met last night for a real, actual date where the invasion of my personal space for a kiss was welcome, and we are planning to see one another again tonight... anyhoo, back to the story....)
I had gone online to re-read his profile, to better understand what his hobbies might be, and to go over his hopes for a partner to see if I really fit the bill, or if the chemistry was clouding my judgement.... YES, REALLY!
When you look at someone's profile, you can see if they're online, and he was... I had that small tinge of disappointment, before thinking to myself that I was online as well, so had no right to question his being there. Well OK - I admit I hold them to a different standard... whatever I DO is ok though.
I had to admit, I did check in on the "winks" and emails I had been sent, though mostly to do the whole "douche...douche... loser" thing my kids do, although my words are slightly different....ok, not they aren't, who am I kidding? I know guys are looking through the "matches" they're sent and doing the same to me....
I'm digressing again.... Oh look - A BIRD!.....
Bottom line, here, we decided, after spending 3 and a half hours chatting at the "meeting", to go on an actual date, which was fun, and are going out again. Beyond that, I have no expectations... I hope we will go beyond the next couple and continue to have fun together, but if not, this has been a pleasant surprise....
Later....
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