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Friday, 20 May 2011

Holy COW the stuff you learn at the hair dresser's place....

I went to college and have done night school, but to be honest, the education I get at my hairdresser's place is much more useful in the real world... I mean, she has a never ending supply of  trashy magazines to fill my weird penchant for celebrity gossip... I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear those are the sorts of facts that stay in my brain, while anything actually practical or useful just falls out the back of my head as quickly as it enters.....

Anyhow, my hairdresser-slash-good friend has a salon in her home, so she generally has two clients going at the time.... As I'm sitting there looking especially glamorous with red dye all over my head, a woman who I've been scheduled with a few times walks in... When you're sitting there waiting on the color to set, it's a real bonding process... I mean, you're kinda seeing each other at your most vulnerable... tin foil all over your head and the smell of amonia in the air....I think some sort of Vulcan mind meld occurs as a result of the metal amonia mix...The last time we were there at the same time, she was telling me about the new guy she'd met online... She seemed to be really happy, so I asked her how it was going with him....

I almost had my jaw hit the floor when she proceeds to tell me that he had scammed her for big cash... the guy actually lives in town... he told her he was a Brazilian who had come here several years ago, and was working as an undercover cop... He had the whole cop lingo thing down, and was very convincing I guess... anyhow, she had been seeing him for about 5 weeks, when he suddenly tells her his sister is back in Brazil, and has been kidnapped.  He is trying to come up with the money to ransom her, so he asks to borrow 16 grand... and she gave it to him, trusting that he is who he says he is....

Have you ever heard the "Big Lie Theory"?  The premise is, the larger the lie, the easier it is to believe... well, this was a freaking WHOPPER, so I guess it's a case in point.

She has since done some digging and found out he isn't Brazilian, but rather is from the Middle East, and he isn't single, he is married with 4 kids, is about 15 years older than he told her he was, and he is skilled at conning.... He is so convincing with his bullshit, that he actually conned a female police officer in a much bigger city of over 25 grand using the same story!  Then she goes on to tell me that he also conned one of her Facebook friends... he convinced this guy that he was a car salesman, and if the friend paid cash for a specific car, he'd knock 6 grand off the price.... so buddy handed over the money, only to go pick the car up the next day and find out he's been conned too.... Why is this guy not in JAIL??

There I smugly sat thinking I'm WAY too smart for that... then I realized not so much.  I actually allowed the alcoholic I dated for 7 years to move in with me, and I footed the bill for that whole time... so who's the dummy here?

She was telling me how it seems weird to her now, that he showed up on her doorstep with a kid he said was his "nephew"... and she was never invited to his house... I know you should be cautious about letting people know where you live at first, but after 5 weeks you should be comfortable enough to know where each other lives, right?  This reminds me of an interesting anecdote....Even when you do exchange that information it's no guarantee things are going to be "normal"....

So - About a month after I signed up for internet dating the first time... 5 years or so ago now, I guess, I start chatting with a very attractive guy.  He's an engineer, has a house in a very nice area of town, is a dad of 3 kids he has half the time.  He's easy to talk to, so as I've told you before, we go through the process of deciding to meet for coffee... he says, "How about we meet for a coffee after work one afternoon.... I work at the corner of X avenue and Y street..."  So I say "Which building are you in?"  "Why?" he says.... "Because I work on the corner of X avenue and Y street too."  So, as you might be guessing now, we find out we work for different companies in the same building....

We meet for coffee and things go very well, so we decide we're going to meet for dinner a couple of weeks later.  We have a great date, so decide to get together again... he invites me to his house for a nice dinner and glass of wine out in his back yard, and I reciprocate a week or so later.  During this visit to my place, he says he knows a guy at my company and asks if I know him... it turns out I work closely with one of his neighbors.... anyhoo... he starts to freak out a bit because of the "closeness" of it all... and tells me he's been thinking about the ramifications of things if we were to split up after starting a relationship... and he tells me he just can't take the risk....

I tell him that's fine, but that he doesn't have to worry... I won't become a stalker... so... in the next year or so, I think I run into him about 3 times in the elevator.  The last time I see him we actually chat... Next thing I know, I get an email, with an attachment... he says some innocuous thing in the email, about how he's sorry he freaked out but he didn't want to risk his PROFESSIONAL IMAGE... Oh the irony of THAT statement....but he now realizes I wasn't a risk to him... This is where things get really weird...

When I open the attachment, it's a couple of pictures of him in his office, with his pants undone... He's strategically cut the photo off just above his junk, but I now know he's a real blonde...and there's no question what he's doing with his hand.... so I send a note back to say that I'm fine with the way things turned out.  I know him a LOT BETTER than I did before.... and that I hope he had his door shut while he was...um...getting busy....

I end up telling my best friend, who works with me... she, of course, wants to see the pictures.... so being the evil witch I am, I share with her... next day she calls..."You're never going to BELIEVE who I rode up the elevator with!... Holy SHIT!  It was all I could do not to look to see if his fly is closed!"  Funniest part is, I could have printed that photo and posted it in the lobby at work if I was the sort of person he was so worried about...Here the guy is with three kids old enough to be using a computer... wonder what else is on his "Hard Drive"... He's sending compromising pictures out in an email and he's worried about ME?

Talking to my girlfriend later, I tell her I'm having a hard time making eye contact with "Naked Picture Guy"'s friend, wondering what sort of block parties they have..... I guess you just never know who you're meeting...

Later...

1 comment:

  1. Until I tried online dating, I had no idea so many people in the world LIE. And it's not just the men. I remember reading men's profiles stating: please be the age you say you are, let your photos be current please, only SANE women need apply. There are just too many crazies in that pot for me to jump in again. But I really enjoy listening to your stories ;)

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