Day 1 isn't QUITE accurate, because I actually have had a couple of very brief forays into the whole internet dating thing...
For anyone who hasn't actually gone on a dating site, let me tell you, it's a very quick education into the human condition. There are a few sites out there to choose from.... in many ways you get what you pay for... so the free site, while entertaining, isn't where I want to spend any large amount of time... I took a 4 year break from the whole dating site thing, and when I reactivated my profile on there, I had contact with some of the same people who had approached me before. If I wasn't interested then, there is nothing that's changed to make me more desperate now....Maybe after the big 5-0, but for now, at least, I'm still in my 40's.
When I first decided to take the therapist up on her challeng for me to "get out there", I thought since I really knew I wasn't ready I had to start somewhere that didn't involve a financial committment. Against my better judgement, I decided to reopen the "free" profile, in an attempt to start to hone my small talk skills back to a level where I can interject some witty repartie when discussing the weather. I wasn't online more than about a minute when I got a "ping" from a guy around 37. I figured my cutoff should be somewhere around there, but that's right at the edge of my 10 years younger limit. My upper limit is much stricter.
I guess that's a product of not feeling my age... I'm one of those people who thinks I look younger than I probably do until I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window or something and have that startle reflex when I realize that old broad is me... but the fact remains, because I was married for 13 years, and then dated two younger men afterward, the oldest man I have ever dated is right now 47 years old, and he has 8 years on the next oldest. Sooooo my upper limit is 54, unless you look like, I don't know, some hot movie star that's over 54 but still has sex appeal....
Anyhow, back to my story... 37 year old "ping" guy is pretty good looking, and seems to be quite articulate at first. He tells me he's been divorced a couple of years, and is now ready to "get out there" and has "let go" of his resentment about the end of his marriage. I tell him it's always a good thing to let go of resentments, and getting out there is probably a good thing for him.... then he proceeds to tell me the resentment he has is because he and his wife had "shared EVERYTHING"... ok... for those of you who have never had a conversation on a dating site, let me tell you, my alarm started to sound in the back of my head, quietly at first... "Danger, Danger!"... He goes on to tell me that she had been very "adventurous" at the start of their marriage, but that she had changed. "DANGER"...I am a pretty direct person when my Bullshit-o-meter starts to go off, so I say, "Translate for me here... are you telling me that she was sexually adventurous at first, and you did a bit of experimenting with other people together, but at the end of your marriage she wanted to limit herself and you to a monogamous relationship?" His answer was "Yes. She decided to leave me when I came home from my job at the post office with two GUYS to play with us." All I could manage was "WOW!"...as my math challenged mind is trying to think of how many ways 3 goes in to 1....
And that leads me to my small bit of advice to anyone trying that site... learn to use the super useful block feature. It really comes in handy.
By the way, any of the stories I use here are absolutely true I swear. Ok, well mostly anyway. I am trying not to use names here to protect the innocent, the not so innocent and the warped alike.... Oh ya. And me.
The site I chose to use this time, is that one that says they use not quite 30 dimensions of compatibility to hook you up with people you might be attracted to...
Um... well, they do ASK you how important it is that your mate be somewhat physically attractive, and they tell you not to judge on looks, which I truly try to do, but sometimes, there is just absolutely no way you could ever learn to get past that.... I mean, when you see a really poor picture of some guy sitting at his computer screen in a filthy undershirt, YOU have to consider this is what THEY considered to be the BEST photo they could find. It's what they chose to use as bait to catch your interest.....and truly, how dark CAN you make a room?!
I actually agreed to meet someone today. I have no clue what he actually looks like, because his photos look as though they were taken from 3 miles away. My photos are close ups, and are recent. I will admit, I avoided those that show off my wrinkles or jowls, choosing instead the ones with the most flattering lighting, but they are me, and are NOT from when I was 30. I'm hoping we'll have a pleasant conversation... but if things stall, at least we'll be in a bar, and I can just order another glass of wine... after all, if my relationship with men doesn't work out, I plan to start a new one with food.... I never met a carb I didn't like, and red wine and carbs just go so well together.....
More later....
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