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Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Romance and Housework...

Ok - kids, time to get back to talking about dating....

New relationships over 45 are interesting.  You are still young enough to want the fairy tale, but old enough to be set in your ways to some degree.... and old enough to know the person you're romancing is human...With morning breath and bouts of gas...

CG and I have both been out of our first marriages for over 10 years, and neither of us have tried it a second time... I've lived with someone since, he hasn't... I think we would both like to have the fairy tale, but when you have homes, kids and investments of various kinds, the romance has to take a back seat to self preservation on occasion. 

Even though the last two relationships I've had, have been with men with far more net worth than me, I would never enter into a marriage without a prenuptual agreement.  The first and foremost reason being I never want someone thinking I'm involved with them, their brother, son, dad, uncle or friend for financial gain.  Ever.  Money, a good career or what someone drove has NEVER been my reason to date someone....  

The second reason for a prenup is self protection.  If there was a split, I'd want to know I would still be able to live the way I'm living now, and so that my kids will inherit something.  I have investments, I own property, and I'd like my hard work to at least help them raise their families.  Besides that, it just takes the nasty out of an already difficult situation.  Should a couple enter into a marriage and decide to split, there is far less to fight about if the finances have been dealt with up front. 

That being said, I'd probably take a page from CG's family practices... he has his kids sign contracts for all sorts of things... he pays them for making good grades at school, and has a formulaic approach to that.  He pays a certain amount for certain grades, and they sign acknowledging they understand how the payout will occur... If I ever do decide to marry again, I think I'll have a contract written up just between the two of us stipulating a "No Cheat" order and a "Date Night" clause...  probably a "Never Initiate Sex Without Kissing Me First" one too...  I think those things are important... Who know's what a guy would put in there, but I'm guessing something detailing the frequency of oral sex or who gets to be on top, and maybe a maximum weight limit for their partner...

CG and I had a pretty candid talk about how things can screw up once you've "Done the Deed".  How little things start to change as you become familiar with one another....being a straight arrow, I gave him as direct a rebuttal as I could to his statement.  While a physical relationship isn't something I enter into lightly, I like sex.  My ex husband would vehemently argue that fact I'm sure, given that I could've entered a convent three years before we split and have nothing to confess.... but here's a little newsflash for ya...I think it's a communication tool between a couple, and for me that's a pretty good barometer of how the rest of the relationship is going.... Oooooh I could magpie on that for a while, but let's get back to CG and me....

We were talking about how many married men complain about not getting laid.  He was describing how he'd told his sister once she should make that a priority in her marriage, because it's really an important part of the relationship.   

My rebuttal to his wonderfully honest comments was simple.  I told him if he was concerned that could happen between us, there was an easy way to ensure it wouldn't..."If you treat me the way you did before we had sex, I will always want to have sex with you." 

I think that's the key to a happy marriage.  Of course things become more familiar, and it's easy to get bogged down in the day to day.  Starting our relationship at this age has it's advantages though.  We don't have little kids to try to schedule things around.  We won't be up all night with diapers and feedings and we won't be struggling the same way financially as we did when we were starting out with our respective spouses.  It should be easier for us to remember to do the little stuff...at least until the Altzheimer's kicks in....

So.  Here's today's two second lesson... To any woman who uses sex as currency in her marriage or relationship, STOP IT... and to any man who isn't getting it enough... seriously, Dude... pick up a freaking dish cloth, or do a load of laundry... you have no idea how sexy that is to a woman... Really...

Later...

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