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Sunday, 21 August 2011

Counting down....

So I've been a little remiss in keeping up here, but give me a break...it's been a busy couple of weeks.  I've had CG back for a few days, and am also packing to go on my excursion... and I'm happy to say, I don't have to haul a bunch of crap with me to Thailand for other people, so unlike going down to visit the Bachelor, I am able to concentrate on my own stuff.  I packed everything I need for a 2 week trip in a carry on bag and a backpack.  Seriously. 

I suspect on the way home things won't be quite as pared down.  Interesting concept this editing of stuff.  Been editing a lot of personal stuff too... trying to reduce my baggage....  I am a mom, I'm 49 years old, have been through a few heartbreaks in my life... actually, in the last year even, and even more fun, I'm menopausal... WOO-HOO!  So... trying to keep baggage to a minimum is paramount.... but there are just times you have to work through the shit.

The bachelor has now moved from that beautiful tropical locale, to a large hub in the US for a few months before heading to the Middle East.  I got a note from him saying he's seeing someone.  Well, so am I, so that's not at issue.  I'm genuinely ok with that, because I wouldn't trade that cold and lonely existence that was the long distance relationship I had with him for the warmth I have with CG for anything.  That doesn't mean there aren't things that hurt about the WAY it happened though.

He is now living with the new girlfriend.  Ouch...
According to the rumor mill, he met her in the city he WAS working in.  That means he has either been hit by lightening, which knowing him is a virtual impossibility, or he was at the very least falling for her while he was with me.  No matter how secure I am, that smarts.  Besides that, since he's never lived with anyone before, I have to be honest and say I was hoping CG and I might get to that place first.

Just when I started to feel like shit because I was so easily replaced, I went to my mail box, and found a beautiful card from a guy who was my grade 10 sweetheart.... we have remained close friends for all these years despite my breaking up with him after spending a summer apart... and making a pretty monumental change to my appearance and attitude...  I told you before, I was a very late bloomer... so that summer, I ditched the horrible glasses I wore in grade 10, highlighted my hair, bought new clothes and returned to school a new girl.  I had outgrown my fear of being away from my family.  I was a 16 year old girl living in Rome, and decided I'd outgrown him as a boyfriend.  I never outgrew him as my friend though, and hearing the words he wrote on the card was just what I needed.  Thanks "G" for your unfailing support through the years. 

Now before you decide I'm still pining for the bachelor, I assure you I'm not.  I am happier with CG than I've been in a loooooong time.  He feels like home.  I am content and comfortable to be who I am, and I don't have to edit what I say to him... well... not much anyhow.  We are still dancing around the words to express feelings here....I'm about to leave for two weeks in Thailand, and I feel sad to be leaving him behind... but we're now halfway through our 5 week stint of apart time.  I am seriously hoping he misses me even half as much as I missed him while he was away. 

It's Sunday morning, he's cooking me dinner tonight, and we have an evening alone and free of kids, so I'm looking forward to tonight, and downtime with him.  I love just spending time with him alone.....with our kids...with friends... even on the phone...we just fit, and he makes me laugh loud and often.  Who'd have thought an internet dating site could give that to me? 

All I can tell you, is I hope someday the Bachelor and I get to a place where we can be friends and support one another's choices the way "G" and I have done.  I have to throw in though, if the Bachelor proposes to his new love romance-movie-style and I'm still single, it'll sting, even though I won't be wishing he'd proposed to me.  Really.

Later...

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