Wake-up Call

There has been a great deal of change in my life since the last time I sat to blog.  I will, at some point, work through it all, and write it down, but some of it has been too raw for me to sift through.  Some of it has been absolutely wonderful. 

Just to summarize, I turned 50 in June, and just a month later became engaged to CG, July 28th.  From that happy crescendo, I crashed to the ground just 3 weeks later with the death of my amazing mother.  The next few months were an awkward blend of messages from people who know me… “Congratulations!.... sorry about your Mom”… or "So sorry for your loss, but you must be thrilled to be engaged"....it was hard to know what to feel, but I made it through.  I know my mom really thought CG was the right guy for me, and knew he'd treat me right.  That means a lot to me.

I will delve into the whole scenario someday just to sort out how I feel about being a “Middle Aged Orphan”.  Yes, that really is a term… it’s a strange phenomenon and can leave a family in tatters.  This blog post, however, isn’t that story.  It’s the story of friends of mine, and how they changed the trajectory of my life.

I started working for a large, very recognizable oil company in 1989.  When I began, I worked as a technical assistant to a group of geophysicists.  The work was interesting, but the things I was being asked to do, like filing and folding maps, wasn’t intellectually stimulating.  My boss recognized that I needed to have a little more substance, so agreed to let me join a group managing seismic data.  Seismic is the study of sound waves through the earth.  Sound waves can be directed through the rock below the surface of the earth, and then recorded as it bounces off different rock formations.  The speed the sound comes back to the surface tells a geophysicist what sort of rock lies below, and can help determine whether or not a specific area is a good place to drill for oil or gas. 

My job was to manage that data.  I had never really been exposed to that sort of stuff, so the learning curve was pretty steep.  Thankfully, I was trained by a woman the gorgeous Miss “S” who had actually worked out in the field as a jughound.  A jughound is a guy who walks for miles, carrying a huge, very heavy cable on his shoulders.  This cable is equipped with many spiked receivers that are pounded into the ground using the heel of his heavy boot.  Most "juggies” work in very inhospitable places like the arctic in freezing cold conditions, or working in the heat of summer on a prairie somewhere.  I was absolutely shocked when I heard she’d done that job, because she was a well groomed, well coifed woman, who wore beautiful clothing and jewelry. 

“S” is warm and funny, and we soon became fast friends.   We started going for walks every lunch hour… she to shop and me to offer a second opinion.  She was very sweet, and recognized that as a young mother with two small children and a husband in school, I didn’t have money to spare.  She started bringing me in garbage bags full of beautiful clothing she had either tired of, or didn’t like as much when she got it home.  These were designer labels, sometimes with the price tags still attached.  While my husband and I were poor as church mice even when he got out of school, because of her generosity I didn’t look as though we were struggling.

Knowing she had the means to help a little, she approached her handsome husband “C”, who was running a large seismic company's operations, to ask if he could use a weekend worker.  That conversation changed my life.  "C" said he could use another part time guy, so my then husband took the job.  He worked just a couple of weeks before “C” recognized he had a great engineering and problem solving mind, and offered him a full time job.  From there, he was promoted to heading the equipment repair department, and eventually into the local leadership team for operations. 

Needless to say, “S” didn’t need to work, but being childless, she enjoyed the camaraderie in the office, and I have to say, she was one of the hardest working women I have ever known.  I respected her very much, and was devastated when she and her husband moved to Houston to manage international operations and further grow the business.  She quit her job and decided to be a stay at home wife. 

“C” had started at his company at it’s inception, when there were just 5 people in an office.  It’s now one of the two largest Seismic companies in the world, employing over 50 thousand people world-wide.  Part of their success is due to "C" and his dedication to both the company and it's founder.  He wore beautiful suits, and became the face of the company, but never forgot he’d started his career as a jug-hound, and would roll up his sleeves to help repair equipment, or go out to show a crew how to do the job properly.  His employees loved him, and would’ve walked through fire if he'd asked.

I can remember my ex telling me once he’d been handling an equipment issue in Houston.  Apparently they’d had some trouble with cattle chewing holes through the casings on the geophone cables.  As he sat there, up to his elbows in dirty equipment, “C” came in, threw his Hugo Boss jacket over the chair next to him, rolled up his sleeves and started fixing cables right alongside the crew.  When he left, the guy sitting on the other side of my ex said “Who the hell was THAT?”  To which my ex replied “That’s the guy that signs your boss’s, boss’s check!”

“C” and “S” seemed to live a charmed life, and were utterly devoted to each other.  They were a striking couple, he very tall and muscular, with a full head of sandy brown hair and the most piercing blue eyes I’ve ever seen.  She, the delicate dark haired beauty.  They laughed loud and often, and their love for each other shone through every time I ever saw them together.

After the move, we continued to keep in touch even though we were so far apart.  I missed our daily walks, and even more the talks we had.  She had a gentle way of showing me when I needed to stand up for myself, so it was during a visit to her I decided to end my marriage.  She never encouraged me to do so, just allowed me to talk it through, throwing in intelligent and insightful questions as I vented and wrestled with the decision.  It was the right choice for me.

In around 2001, “S” and her husband bought a property in Mexico, and were working toward a retirement there.  Her husband had recognized the stress he was under during a large merger, when he personally had to let 5000 people go, and decided to take a year off.  I came to visit during that time, and asked him if he planned to return to work.  I remember him looking at me, pausing for about 30 seconds and replying “The only way I’m going back is if they offer me an OBSCENE amount of money to come back.” Gesturing with his hands the way you do when describing the size of a very large fish.

The next time I saw him was about a year later… I walked in to my office, and saw him signing in to attend a meeting.  When I asked what he was doing there, he just did that gesture again, and mouthed the words “OBSCENE...OB-SCENE!” at me with a wink.   That was the last time I saw him.  He retired for good in 2004 before he hit 50, and they moved to their paradise in Mexico full time.

Over the years, we kept in touch, with invitations to come down to their home to visit, or me going to an all inclusive and asking them to join me for a week, but it seemed like the timing was never right.  Our communication slowly dwindled to a yearly Christmas note and I’m embarrassed to say this year I thought to do it, but promptly forgot and never did send the update even with all I had to share this year.  My bad.

On January 2, I got a text from my ex.  It’s rare for us to communicate now that our boys are grown, so I opened it thinking he was looking to connect with them.  The note was a shocking three liner letting me know “C” had died on New Year’s Eve.  He was just 57.  I caught my breath, nearly throwing up when I was hit with what the magnitude of my dear friend’s loss would be. 

The details I was able to get from mutual friends are even more sad.  "C" was a vital man.  He was born into a family with some struggles, and as a result, he'd given up alcohol when he was 24.  He never touched another drop.  He ate well, and exercised.  He was doing things right.  The day he passed away, he had complained of indigestion and begged off going out.  I'm not sure whether it was during the afternoon when his wife ran out to do errands, or whether she had gone out that evening to see friends, but the fact is, she briefly left him alone.  When she came home she found him, already gone.  My guess is, his indigestion was actually a heart attack in progress.  I imagine what that must feel like for his wife... how heavy must those feeling of guilt be?  I can imagine her asking over and over "What if I'd stayed home?"....

I reached out to her immediately, a couple of days later got a brief reply, and am now regretting that I didn’t take the time to email her much more often.  I will not head to Mexico for the “Celebration of Life” but will reach out in depth in a few months.  I know, from experience, there are tons of people around for the first while after a loss, but that falls off, and there is little to fill the void.  I'll ask her to come for a visit, or will arrange to meet her down there.  I will be there to listen to her vent, to give a shoulder if she needs to cry.  And I will remember, every time I crawl into bed with CG that my time with him is a gift. Any moment, one or the other of us could be gone. 

Either way, after the dust settles, I hope someone will be there to listen to the one left behind.

Later...

Voyeur

Watching someone else's pain when it's real and not in the movies just isn't a fun thing to do.  Today was the funeral for my dear friends' 5 year old son, and watching the strength of that couple as they stood to chronicle the last day of their baby's life, was absolutely heartwrenching to say the least.

They will remember the sweet little boy they lost and will likely see his face in every young man who mimics his age, as his twin sister grows, and they will remember him in every 5 year old boy.  To hear details of how he spent that last day was painful, and left the congregation in tears.... I want to tip my hat to both of them.  They ARE what people should strive to be like.  They showed strength, humility and love through this pain, and I am in awe of them. 

My family is also facing an impending memorial service as well, because we will have a celebration of the life of my father in October.  Quite a different memorial, as he had the chance to live a very healthy, full and long life. 

He left us Christmas day, and it's taken us this long to get to a place where we will be able to tell jokes and stories about my dad's impact on the people around us, with a drink in hand and a genuine smile on our faces.  My father INSISTED we not have a funeral.  He always told us he wanted a plain pine box to be cremated in, and he wanted a party with a Dixieland Jazz band.  He wanted smiles and laughter, not tears and heartache, so we will do our best to honor the most honorable man I have ever known. 

Saying goodbye to someone who lived such an amazing life is sad, but the one thing I can say, is my father had no regret, and lived EVERY day of his 88 years 9 months to the fullest.  The last three months when he knew he wasn't going to win the fight were tough slogging but he was an amazing man.  An extraordinary human being, and as I've said before, we thought so when he was alive too... we haven't canonized him in death.

Before he died, I had the unique opportunity of interviewing my dad for a story I wrote for the web page of the oil company he and I both worked for.  It was a great experience because I got to see my dad from a whole other perspective....  I never pictured my dad as one of the guys... but he sure was....  He shared all sorts of stories with me about his days as a geologist, working in the Rocky Mountains on a string of pack horses in the 40's....

One of the anecdotes he shared with me, happened in 1947 when he was a summer student... he was working out in the field, but he and his field partner came in to town for some meetings so were staying in a hotel for a couple of nights.  It was an incredibly hot summer, and they decided to buy a few beers to refresh them after a long day... this was before air conditioning was readily available, so the hotel room was very hot and stifling, and they had been unable to buy any cold beer.  The decision was made to cool the warm bottles they bought under the shower in the bathtub....

The bottles had come wrapped in individual paper mache sleeves, which they, being engineers, decided would be great to help cool the beers off faster.  They were "so thirsty" they decided to drink a warm one while they waited for the others to cool off...BLECH...  After opening the windows and propping open the door in order to get some air movement through the room, they sat down on the balcony to drink their one warm beer, and chat. 

Apparently they chatted longer than they thought...When my dad got up to go to the bathroom to check on the beers, his socks became wet because the carpet was covered with about a quarter inch of water.

Needless to say, the paper mache 'beer jackets' had melted off the bottles, plugged the drain, and the water was slooshing over the side of the tub....  They started to panic worried the water would seep through the ceiling to the room beneath them... so, they went to sop up the water with their bath towels.  When they went to get them, they found out housekeeping had only left them a single set of towels....

Dad said they didn't get a lot of sleep that night because they had to sop up the water, wring out the towel in the bathtub, and do it again and again and again.... By the time the sun was rising, they got the bulk of the water soaked up, but they decided to make a quick getaway before someone found out.  Like theives in the night, they left before it was completely light outside....

I would never have pictured my dad doing something like that.  It made him much less Godlike in my eyes, and replaced that image with one of a human being with faults.  Not many, I assure you, but still fallible.  One or two slips in 88 years of being an upstanding guy who didn't just yap about his moral standing but lived and breathed it every single day during my lifetime, isn't bad...

The hours I spent interviewing him for that story, are among the most precious I spent with him.  He was just a guy, telling me very interesting stories about his early days with the company I now work for...  I have a few great stories about my early years there right out of highschool, before I went to college too... and I hope someday I will relate those tales to my boys.... and they'll see me without my mom-badge on.

Later...