Well, I'm sitting here trying to come up with something to blog about, and realize I have abso-freaking-lutely nothing.... Oh.... except to say that once you're over the pain, the worst part of a break-up is giving the guy's stuff back.... It doesn't matter how that goes, it's awkward.
So, in January when the Bachelor and I broke up, I thought I had completely erradicated myself from his apartment. I seriously thought I had cleared everything I'd had there for my visits, but a pair of my earrings were stuck under the door of the safe. I would have told him to toss them, but I absolutely love the earrings and had been looking everywhere for them.
He sent them back with a friend of his who was down in Girls Wearing Dental Floss country for a visit....Bachelor ex is moving from that beautiful locale to a different foreign assignment, so he decided to send them with his buddy instead of waiting until he's here next, which was thoughtful of him, but now I have to return all of his shit too, and figuring out how to do that is tough. I've been avoiding the whole thing. I've had it carefully packed for some time now, so It's not that I want to keep it, it's just that he left a lot more crap at my house than I left at his, so it's not like I can make a switch when I meet his friend.... It just wouldn't be fair to show up at the foodcourt with a forklift.....
It's gotta go though, because I'm guessing having an ex's stuff in my bedroom is probably not a good thing... There has to be some horrible effect on your future mojo to have the residue of your last lover in there, right? I mean what do you have to do in order to exorcise that spirit?
This stage in life brings all sorts of interesting twists.... I figure the "first time" should be somewhere without all the residue of relationships past on both sides. I don't want to be in a room with the residue of his past either. And then there's the whole question of our present lives...
Nothing says romance like hearing 15 teenagers playing "Dance, Dance Revolution" outside that bedroom door, right?... Of course you'd try to time things for when they're asleep, but awake or asleep, let's face it, having a house full of people isn't romantic. This stage of life reminds me of when it was me who was the 17 year old girl in the house...
The country my ex currently resides in has some interesting ways of getting around the privacy issue....
They have "Love Motels" all over town. Apparently these are a motel you can rent either by the hour or by the night. Before you sneer at the cheesy-ness of this, each one has a theme and all sorts of atmosphere... OK....It IS super cheesy, but they definitely serve a purpose....
Why are these common there you might ask? Because most people live in small apartments in the huge city of over 9 million people. The other thing, is that most people stay living with their parents until they marry, which makes getting busy a little awkward for both the young couple AND the parents....
I figure there's a market for a motel like that here, if it were targeted for divorced parents of teenagers.... Especially if they installed flattering lighting for women over 40! You could rent the room for the early evening to cover your bases so you don't get walked in on, becauseTHAT could be a little embarassing if you've decided to 'Christen' the bonus room....
I know at first the "Love Motel" option sounds pretty gross, but some of the nicer ones could rival some of the more chic hotels here. Seriously. They come complete with beautiful white linens, hot tubs for two, water falls, saunas and hip decor. I've heard from friends there, the rooms are clean, and they offer all sorts of ...um...lets just call them ammenities....
I have to admit I was simultaneously in awe and a little grossed out when a couple I met there were celebrating their 20 anniversary, and a group of their friends gave them a timeslot in one of these places as a gift....Apparently the romance package included all sorts of "TUPPERWARE".... Nudge, nudge, wink, wink!
...and by Tupperware, I mean sex toys... I promise later I'll tell you a story about a "TUPPERWARE" party my friend, the gorgeous Miss "L" had, but if I tell you now, this post will be 3 miles long.....
Anyhow, being much less smart than I APPEAR, I was very relieved to hear all the toys they supply are new, and aren't recycled, and the rooms are apparently fumigated between visitors... Can you imagine having THAT job.... eeeeeeeeew!
Oh. Wait....I DO know a guy who would be a perfect candidate if they opened one here.... Remember, I'll Clean Your House if you let me Smell Your Underwear, Dude?....
Later...
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Monday, 6 June 2011
Oh How the Tables have Turned....
OK - I work in the IT department, but that's a big fat joke, because I know very little technical stuff. Whenever people talk computers to me my eyes get big, and I just smile and nod.... This morning I log in here, and my whole domain is in ESPANOL... I know enough Spanish to be dangerous, but I have no clue as to how to reset my dashboard to English, so if I sound a little different, that's why... lookit ME all bilingual...
So, Cute New Guy is away on business... again... He left Saturday night, so I decided I'd have a couple of the girls over for a few glasses of wine and some snacks. As it happens, a few of them had to cancel, so I ended up having just two. Nauseatingly Blissful Married Girl, and my jaded but beautiful friend who is still stuck on the E-Melody marry-go-round... and no that's not a spelling error...
The conversation was interesting and very familiar at the same time.... of course both of them want the rundown on Cute New Guy, and whether or not we've seen each other naked.... I start telling them the story of things so far, and it's a surprisingly amusing collection of stuff including our first meeting, and what we've been up to. He's very witty, which makes the stories way better than they would be otherwise, even if I AM starting to sound like a 16 year old girl with a crush on the popular guy....
I conclude my portion of the evening's entertainment with the fact that we've exchanged some very personal deep dark secrets, and both of us have decided the other's baggage appears to be manageable and he's told me he's enjoying this time together. He says he isn't in a rush to the prize, so while things haven't been entirely worthy of an Amish courtship, we haven't yet done the deed. Things are progressing at a nice rate... not at warp speed, but not in Geological time either....
Can't you just hear the collective sigh from women around the planet?! It's refreshing to have a very attractive man who is CLEARLY interested, but is sure enough of himself to adjust timing to respect when the time is right for both of us, not just him. Smart move on his part... it just guarantees him a happy ending....
This leads to today's lesson.... Up until Saturday,Gorgeous Single Friend was seeing a guy for a short time. I think over the course of a couple of weeks.... She had been hooked up with him through E-Melody, and while the profile was mildly interesting, she wasn't immediately smitten. After going through the whole Must Have/ Can't Stand and stupid question maze, when they actually were able to write one another, she realized he was the friend of a friend, so agreed to go out with him despite her trepidation.
They went on an unremarkable first date where in the first 1.7 seconds there was no bolt of lightening, but it wasn't unpleasant enough to say no when he asked her out again.
The second date was ok, so she agreed to a third... but her gut was still telling her this was going nowhere.
Here's where the lesson comes in... Buddy invites her to come over to his place where he's going to cook her dinner. Keep in mind, this is date 3. Remember what the expectation generally is on date 3 on a dating website?? ... Ya, so anyway, when she arrives, they have a glass of wine, exchange pleasantries and have dinner. She tells us, that the moment she's finished, he comes over, pushes her plate aside and says "Do you want to go upstairs now?" in his best bedroom voice...
First of all, right after a large steak is probably not the right time... aren't you supposed to wait an hour after eating before.... Oh. Wait. Right.. that's swimming....but it's still EXERCISE.
Her outside voice answer was "No, I don't think so....but thanks for the offer..." while her inside voice is saying "Um... listen, Buddy, the steak wasn't THAT good!" So... the moral of that story is two fold... Guys, don't assume. What's that old saying? It makes an asshole out of YOU. Not every woman is jumping your bones on the third date... and ladies, if the guy you're dating asks you over for dinner, unless you're planning on getting busy, don't go to his house!
Gorgeous friend is a straight shooter, so I'm sure she extracated herself from the situation without any ambiguity about whether or not there would be a date 4, and to be blunt, she may be 110 pounds and 5 foot 2 but I'm not sure I'd bet against her in a fight if he were to try something. There is always some risk to being on his home turf though.
I really enjoy girls' nights because it's a great opportunity to realize no matter what crap is occurring in your life, someone has it better, and someone has it worse. Winding up the evening was actually pretty amusing. Here I am, telling Gorgeous friend not to give up hope... I can tell Married Friend is enjoying the fact that I have to eat my words about there being "nobody worth meeting on any dating site", especially since the night I had my "meeting" with Cute New Guy I was on the phone to her while I was driving there, telling her I was sure it was going to be a collosal waste of time. That was right before lightning struck in that 1.7 seconds after I saw him....
By the way, I DO get the whole irony of the above sentiment... after all I was on the dating site too.... and I consider MYSELF kinda date worthy....
Funny how roles change. There was a time when I was the married friend, and blissfully happy was single and looking for her now husband... I can remember telling her the right guy would come along for her too....
Gorgeous Single Friend is the one who was so busy dating all the matches she was being sent at E-Melody when I had reached the drought...She's now taking on the role I had a few weeks ago of the jaded cynic..... She's stuck on E-Melody until her birthday in July, but I might just buy her a membership to the OTHER site as her gift....
Trust me here, I'm under no illusion that I'm livin' that fairy tale dream and there won't be bumps in the road, but no matter how things end up with Cute New Guy, I'm grateful to know there actually ARE attractive men out there, you just have to kiss a few toads along the way..... but right now, I'm leaving that to Gorgeous Single Friend.
Later...
So, Cute New Guy is away on business... again... He left Saturday night, so I decided I'd have a couple of the girls over for a few glasses of wine and some snacks. As it happens, a few of them had to cancel, so I ended up having just two. Nauseatingly Blissful Married Girl, and my jaded but beautiful friend who is still stuck on the E-Melody marry-go-round... and no that's not a spelling error...
The conversation was interesting and very familiar at the same time.... of course both of them want the rundown on Cute New Guy, and whether or not we've seen each other naked.... I start telling them the story of things so far, and it's a surprisingly amusing collection of stuff including our first meeting, and what we've been up to. He's very witty, which makes the stories way better than they would be otherwise, even if I AM starting to sound like a 16 year old girl with a crush on the popular guy....
I conclude my portion of the evening's entertainment with the fact that we've exchanged some very personal deep dark secrets, and both of us have decided the other's baggage appears to be manageable and he's told me he's enjoying this time together. He says he isn't in a rush to the prize, so while things haven't been entirely worthy of an Amish courtship, we haven't yet done the deed. Things are progressing at a nice rate... not at warp speed, but not in Geological time either....
Can't you just hear the collective sigh from women around the planet?! It's refreshing to have a very attractive man who is CLEARLY interested, but is sure enough of himself to adjust timing to respect when the time is right for both of us, not just him. Smart move on his part... it just guarantees him a happy ending....
This leads to today's lesson.... Up until Saturday,Gorgeous Single Friend was seeing a guy for a short time. I think over the course of a couple of weeks.... She had been hooked up with him through E-Melody, and while the profile was mildly interesting, she wasn't immediately smitten. After going through the whole Must Have/ Can't Stand and stupid question maze, when they actually were able to write one another, she realized he was the friend of a friend, so agreed to go out with him despite her trepidation.
They went on an unremarkable first date where in the first 1.7 seconds there was no bolt of lightening, but it wasn't unpleasant enough to say no when he asked her out again.
The second date was ok, so she agreed to a third... but her gut was still telling her this was going nowhere.
Here's where the lesson comes in... Buddy invites her to come over to his place where he's going to cook her dinner. Keep in mind, this is date 3. Remember what the expectation generally is on date 3 on a dating website?? ... Ya, so anyway, when she arrives, they have a glass of wine, exchange pleasantries and have dinner. She tells us, that the moment she's finished, he comes over, pushes her plate aside and says "Do you want to go upstairs now?" in his best bedroom voice...
First of all, right after a large steak is probably not the right time... aren't you supposed to wait an hour after eating before.... Oh. Wait. Right.. that's swimming....but it's still EXERCISE.
Her outside voice answer was "No, I don't think so....but thanks for the offer..." while her inside voice is saying "Um... listen, Buddy, the steak wasn't THAT good!" So... the moral of that story is two fold... Guys, don't assume. What's that old saying? It makes an asshole out of YOU. Not every woman is jumping your bones on the third date... and ladies, if the guy you're dating asks you over for dinner, unless you're planning on getting busy, don't go to his house!
Gorgeous friend is a straight shooter, so I'm sure she extracated herself from the situation without any ambiguity about whether or not there would be a date 4, and to be blunt, she may be 110 pounds and 5 foot 2 but I'm not sure I'd bet against her in a fight if he were to try something. There is always some risk to being on his home turf though.
I really enjoy girls' nights because it's a great opportunity to realize no matter what crap is occurring in your life, someone has it better, and someone has it worse. Winding up the evening was actually pretty amusing. Here I am, telling Gorgeous friend not to give up hope... I can tell Married Friend is enjoying the fact that I have to eat my words about there being "nobody worth meeting on any dating site", especially since the night I had my "meeting" with Cute New Guy I was on the phone to her while I was driving there, telling her I was sure it was going to be a collosal waste of time. That was right before lightning struck in that 1.7 seconds after I saw him....
By the way, I DO get the whole irony of the above sentiment... after all I was on the dating site too.... and I consider MYSELF kinda date worthy....
Funny how roles change. There was a time when I was the married friend, and blissfully happy was single and looking for her now husband... I can remember telling her the right guy would come along for her too....
Gorgeous Single Friend is the one who was so busy dating all the matches she was being sent at E-Melody when I had reached the drought...She's now taking on the role I had a few weeks ago of the jaded cynic..... She's stuck on E-Melody until her birthday in July, but I might just buy her a membership to the OTHER site as her gift....
Trust me here, I'm under no illusion that I'm livin' that fairy tale dream and there won't be bumps in the road, but no matter how things end up with Cute New Guy, I'm grateful to know there actually ARE attractive men out there, you just have to kiss a few toads along the way..... but right now, I'm leaving that to Gorgeous Single Friend.
Later...
Friday, 3 June 2011
My son the clairvoyant....
Tough as parenting alone is, there are glimmers of hope that come more frequently as the kids start their long road to recovery from ACDD...
My boys are really turning out to be cool people, I mean it's always been cool being their mom....Ok, well... except for that time when the older one got in trouble at school for writing the word F*CK on about 300 popsicle sticks they were using in art class when he was 6 (!)or when the younger one got caught peeing on the school wall during recess... or when the principal of their school knew me so well I had my name on a brass plate on the back of the chair in his office. Ok - that's not true. We did exchange deck plans one summer though....but for the most part it's been ok...
As I've stated before, the last relationship I was in was looooooooong distance....While it sounds like you should live like a hip single when you're not together and then reunite like rabbits when you are, the reality is really different, and not nearly as fun as it sounds...
When you're not together, you attend social functions alone, you eat alone, you sleep alone and hope that he's doing the same in that country with the hot girls.... You deal with losses of pets and parents alone. You just have to deal with your life without someone to have your back. I did that for the entire relationship, and it gets tiresome. When I look at it honestly, for the last year or so I guess I was just in love AT someone and not WITH someone. I had all the shitty things that come with a relationship without any of the perks.
Bottom line, when we split up it wasn't like I had to adjust from having a true, full on relationship to nothing. It was almost like when your favorite character is dropped from some drama on TV.... I mean that sucks, but you get over it....I missed him, but I was used to spending most of my life without him in it. After 3 months of feeling very lost, I realized I'm ready and I deserve to have a real interraction with a real man. Not some character I thought this man to be.... I realize I want to be married again someday. Good GOD am I insane? I don't think so... I may have forgotten all the shit, kinda like you do after childbirth, but I want to try again....
How would my boys feel about that? Well, they're older now, so the impact is different. I want them to have a positive relationship with whatever man I end up with in my life....Long Distance Bachelor was good with them, but was sometimes unsure how to engage them.
With Cute New Guy, I'm sure the interraction should be easier, because he has kids. Presumably he'll have some clue how to talk to them rather than trying to engage them in a dissection of emerging market investment strategy... He probably knows talking about cars, boobs or foods that make you fart would go a lot further... You know, talk to them like you would with any man, because to them, fart jokes are ALWAYS funny.
I'm actually looking forward to the day they have some sort of friendship, but it may take a while...at least with my teen...
My kids approach things very differently. The older of the two, at 20, is FAR more accepting of things that come his way. He is, unfortunately, very like his mother, in that he will look for every opportunity to see the good in people, and will forgive almost anything... Kinda like a dog....
The younger one stands back, lets his brother break the ice, and then reserves judgement for a very long time....even when you make some points with him, screw up and you're back to square 1... HE would be the cat.... I think I mentioned Cute New Guy is a dog AND cat lover.... good thing...
Here's a little synopsis of how the boys think....
Number 1 Son: "Oh, you're here to pick up my mom? GREAT... Come on in! What do you do for a living?.... Oh COOL! I didn't know there was a real market for ax murder, but I can see how the dismemberment part would keep you challenged! You must need a real skill for that. Have you been doing it long?... Wow! 27 victims! Oh so there's a FUTURE in that... Who Knew?! Another beer?......
And later....."Mom, this guy's AWESOME... did you know he plays BASS??"
Things are a little different with the other one....
Number 2 Son: "Oh. So you think you're taking my MOM out?! Can I see some ID please? OK - Assume the position with your hands clasped on top of your head. Now I'm just going to set up this lie detector and ask a few questions... Oh, those electrodes I'm attaching to your scrotum? You don't have to worry about those IF you tell the TRUTH.....
What EXACTLY do you do for a living? Hmmmm..... Minister to the homeless, turn water into wine AND multiply loaves and fishes? ......Huh. What do you do for fun, and I mean BESIDES my mom... Oh REALLY?! You walk on WATER...Ya. Sure you do"....
...And later..."Mom, I'm not sure how he beat the test, but this guy's a DOUCHE!...Either that or he's GAY!".... Rolling his eyes.....
Son number 2's prediction, is that The Guy's 17 year old daughter is going to be just as tough on me.... I'm thinking that could be a safe bet... Dad hasn't had anyone of significance in his life for a while, and his daughter is in that female estrogen Hell that is 16 turning 17....
His resolve cracked a little when he met The Guy, they seem to have a similar sense of humor.... I'm hoping the fart jokes come out soon...
Later....
My boys are really turning out to be cool people, I mean it's always been cool being their mom....Ok, well... except for that time when the older one got in trouble at school for writing the word F*CK on about 300 popsicle sticks they were using in art class when he was 6 (!)or when the younger one got caught peeing on the school wall during recess... or when the principal of their school knew me so well I had my name on a brass plate on the back of the chair in his office. Ok - that's not true. We did exchange deck plans one summer though....but for the most part it's been ok...
As I've stated before, the last relationship I was in was looooooooong distance....While it sounds like you should live like a hip single when you're not together and then reunite like rabbits when you are, the reality is really different, and not nearly as fun as it sounds...
When you're not together, you attend social functions alone, you eat alone, you sleep alone and hope that he's doing the same in that country with the hot girls.... You deal with losses of pets and parents alone. You just have to deal with your life without someone to have your back. I did that for the entire relationship, and it gets tiresome. When I look at it honestly, for the last year or so I guess I was just in love AT someone and not WITH someone. I had all the shitty things that come with a relationship without any of the perks.
Bottom line, when we split up it wasn't like I had to adjust from having a true, full on relationship to nothing. It was almost like when your favorite character is dropped from some drama on TV.... I mean that sucks, but you get over it....I missed him, but I was used to spending most of my life without him in it. After 3 months of feeling very lost, I realized I'm ready and I deserve to have a real interraction with a real man. Not some character I thought this man to be.... I realize I want to be married again someday. Good GOD am I insane? I don't think so... I may have forgotten all the shit, kinda like you do after childbirth, but I want to try again....
How would my boys feel about that? Well, they're older now, so the impact is different. I want them to have a positive relationship with whatever man I end up with in my life....Long Distance Bachelor was good with them, but was sometimes unsure how to engage them.
With Cute New Guy, I'm sure the interraction should be easier, because he has kids. Presumably he'll have some clue how to talk to them rather than trying to engage them in a dissection of emerging market investment strategy... He probably knows talking about cars, boobs or foods that make you fart would go a lot further... You know, talk to them like you would with any man, because to them, fart jokes are ALWAYS funny.
I'm actually looking forward to the day they have some sort of friendship, but it may take a while...at least with my teen...
My kids approach things very differently. The older of the two, at 20, is FAR more accepting of things that come his way. He is, unfortunately, very like his mother, in that he will look for every opportunity to see the good in people, and will forgive almost anything... Kinda like a dog....
The younger one stands back, lets his brother break the ice, and then reserves judgement for a very long time....even when you make some points with him, screw up and you're back to square 1... HE would be the cat.... I think I mentioned Cute New Guy is a dog AND cat lover.... good thing...
Here's a little synopsis of how the boys think....
Number 1 Son: "Oh, you're here to pick up my mom? GREAT... Come on in! What do you do for a living?.... Oh COOL! I didn't know there was a real market for ax murder, but I can see how the dismemberment part would keep you challenged! You must need a real skill for that. Have you been doing it long?... Wow! 27 victims! Oh so there's a FUTURE in that... Who Knew?! Another beer?......
And later....."Mom, this guy's AWESOME... did you know he plays BASS??"
Things are a little different with the other one....
Number 2 Son: "Oh. So you think you're taking my MOM out?! Can I see some ID please? OK - Assume the position with your hands clasped on top of your head. Now I'm just going to set up this lie detector and ask a few questions... Oh, those electrodes I'm attaching to your scrotum? You don't have to worry about those IF you tell the TRUTH.....
What EXACTLY do you do for a living? Hmmmm..... Minister to the homeless, turn water into wine AND multiply loaves and fishes? ......Huh. What do you do for fun, and I mean BESIDES my mom... Oh REALLY?! You walk on WATER...Ya. Sure you do"....
...And later..."Mom, I'm not sure how he beat the test, but this guy's a DOUCHE!...Either that or he's GAY!".... Rolling his eyes.....
Son number 2's prediction, is that The Guy's 17 year old daughter is going to be just as tough on me.... I'm thinking that could be a safe bet... Dad hasn't had anyone of significance in his life for a while, and his daughter is in that female estrogen Hell that is 16 turning 17....
His resolve cracked a little when he met The Guy, they seem to have a similar sense of humor.... I'm hoping the fart jokes come out soon...
Later....
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Resistance is futile...
Well, I guess I'm gonna have to start adding a bunch of hearts and LOL's and smiley faces to any further posts, because surprise of all surprises, I have now moved into a new phase of this whole dating life...
Cute New Guy, and I had a date night before last, or as he called it, an "intervention" to save him from his teenagers... He came over for a glass of wine and a chat, and we got into all sorts of really deep topics like the fact that it's Gorilla Month at the Zoo... which dovetails perfectly into the topic of dating when you're a parent....Especially wondering how parents of teenagers can navigate having a life of their own, because you have built in chaperones. It can be worse than when you lived at home and were trying to figure out how to get a little alone time with your current squeeze without your parents catching you with your proverbial pants down....
Parenting teens is a totally humbling experience. Little kids think the sun rises and sets on you, so you start getting all comfortable with that. You have a very skewed feel for your own importance in their lives, and then SLAM!!!!! God turns the little darlings into monosyllabic teenagers to give you a little perspective. Apparently, when THEY turn about 12, YOUR brains start falling out... Trust me, if you want to get an itemized and very detailed list of your flaws, or just how lame you are, I'd be happy to rent you my teen. He has NO PROBLEM telling me when I suck.... with contempt dripping from his tongue...
If you think BEING a teen was your biggest time of insecurity, let me give you a little news flash... being the dating PARENT of a teen is even worse. They catch you kissing or hugging a date and the disgust they show is almost palpable... you can just HEAR their eyes rolling... "EW! you guys are so DISGUSTING!!!" God forbid they ever caught you inflagrante or heard anything but snoring emmanating from your bedroom...
I remember at about 16 being absolutely grossed out by the idea that my parents, then in their 50's might actually still be "Doing It."... A friend and I were discussing how GROSS that was when my mom calmly walked through the room and said "Isn't it amazing, that when you kids gain your sexuality, all of a sudden your parents are supposed to LOSE theirs....and YOU become an immaculate conception?" I have grown to think my mom must really be working on her brain, because she is a LOT smarter than I remember...
The Guy and I have yet to figure out how we will spend any time together except in public places, because at home there is always the chance of your predominantly absent teens choosing that time to come home with the current crisis of the day.... Before we get to that point, however, there is the matter of the dating site profiles and what happens next....
This of course, leads to today's lesson....
The Guy and I had a chat about internet dating etiquette...basically on the topic of 'bumpin' uglies' with someone who has an active profile .... Being a girl, I'm inherently against it. I wouldn't um... "date" a guy who was busy "dating" the whole world...
Thank God he appears to feel that way too, so when he went home, he extricated himself from the site... so I spent a while extracating myself last night... funny thing was, all of a sudden there are 13 emails in my inbox, I've been added to someone's "favorites" and I have another 11 matches on E-Melody... no doubt the same quality matches I was fed before so I'm just fine with that.... creepy Biology.com guy is just gonna have to find someone else to cyber stalk I guess... perhaps one of my beautiful single girlfriends...
Not sure I have mentioned that The Guy runs a division of a fairly large company as well as having primary custody of the two teens. He is well educated, holding an engineering degree as well as an MBA. He is... how shall we say?... driven.
He has obviously got a very logical mind, but he's managed to keep a human perspective, which is the part of him that finds common ground with me. I am a completely logic free person... I can make a list of things I need at the store, and will no doubt forget it, or forget to put the crucial thing I need on it, or I'll lose it... just like I lost the point of whatever it was I wanted to get across here.... Oh. Ya. Here he is, able to run a successful company, manage stresses of his employees, keep on top of doing all the domestic stuff at home, but even he is mentally incompetent in the eyes of his teenagers....I imagine he runs a fairly tight ship, but he faces the same trials as I do on a daily basis and I'm finding that terribly amusing... of course, I can, because my kids are 18 and 20... his, at 16 and 14 still have a ways to go. I really enjoy hearing the interaction he has, especially with his daughter, because I hear myself in his side of the conversation... just in a lower octave, and the answers back are the same crap my sons feed me on a daily basis...
Here is my chance to interject my theory on teenagers... Well, teenage boys at least... they suffer from what I like to call "Anal-Cranial Displacement Disorder" or ACDD for short... not to be confused with ADD or ADHD. ACDD causes them to do all sorts of stupid things... not any fault of their own, their heads are just so firmly implanted up their asses, they suffer from a lack of oxygen. The symptoms do subside over time, but in men will, on occasion, return... you know, like when they forget their girlfriend's birthday, or their aniversary, or have thirty cocktails too many at the company Christmas party....
Anyway... I will close with some <3 and :-) and LOLOLOL's because I'm so freaking HAPPY!!!
...Gagging yet?
Later...
Cute New Guy, and I had a date night before last, or as he called it, an "intervention" to save him from his teenagers... He came over for a glass of wine and a chat, and we got into all sorts of really deep topics like the fact that it's Gorilla Month at the Zoo... which dovetails perfectly into the topic of dating when you're a parent....Especially wondering how parents of teenagers can navigate having a life of their own, because you have built in chaperones. It can be worse than when you lived at home and were trying to figure out how to get a little alone time with your current squeeze without your parents catching you with your proverbial pants down....
Parenting teens is a totally humbling experience. Little kids think the sun rises and sets on you, so you start getting all comfortable with that. You have a very skewed feel for your own importance in their lives, and then SLAM!!!!! God turns the little darlings into monosyllabic teenagers to give you a little perspective. Apparently, when THEY turn about 12, YOUR brains start falling out... Trust me, if you want to get an itemized and very detailed list of your flaws, or just how lame you are, I'd be happy to rent you my teen. He has NO PROBLEM telling me when I suck.... with contempt dripping from his tongue...
If you think BEING a teen was your biggest time of insecurity, let me give you a little news flash... being the dating PARENT of a teen is even worse. They catch you kissing or hugging a date and the disgust they show is almost palpable... you can just HEAR their eyes rolling... "EW! you guys are so DISGUSTING!!!" God forbid they ever caught you inflagrante or heard anything but snoring emmanating from your bedroom...
I remember at about 16 being absolutely grossed out by the idea that my parents, then in their 50's might actually still be "Doing It."... A friend and I were discussing how GROSS that was when my mom calmly walked through the room and said "Isn't it amazing, that when you kids gain your sexuality, all of a sudden your parents are supposed to LOSE theirs....and YOU become an immaculate conception?" I have grown to think my mom must really be working on her brain, because she is a LOT smarter than I remember...
The Guy and I have yet to figure out how we will spend any time together except in public places, because at home there is always the chance of your predominantly absent teens choosing that time to come home with the current crisis of the day.... Before we get to that point, however, there is the matter of the dating site profiles and what happens next....
This of course, leads to today's lesson....
The Guy and I had a chat about internet dating etiquette...basically on the topic of 'bumpin' uglies' with someone who has an active profile .... Being a girl, I'm inherently against it. I wouldn't um... "date" a guy who was busy "dating" the whole world...
Thank God he appears to feel that way too, so when he went home, he extricated himself from the site... so I spent a while extracating myself last night... funny thing was, all of a sudden there are 13 emails in my inbox, I've been added to someone's "favorites" and I have another 11 matches on E-Melody... no doubt the same quality matches I was fed before so I'm just fine with that.... creepy Biology.com guy is just gonna have to find someone else to cyber stalk I guess... perhaps one of my beautiful single girlfriends...
Not sure I have mentioned that The Guy runs a division of a fairly large company as well as having primary custody of the two teens. He is well educated, holding an engineering degree as well as an MBA. He is... how shall we say?... driven.
He has obviously got a very logical mind, but he's managed to keep a human perspective, which is the part of him that finds common ground with me. I am a completely logic free person... I can make a list of things I need at the store, and will no doubt forget it, or forget to put the crucial thing I need on it, or I'll lose it... just like I lost the point of whatever it was I wanted to get across here.... Oh. Ya. Here he is, able to run a successful company, manage stresses of his employees, keep on top of doing all the domestic stuff at home, but even he is mentally incompetent in the eyes of his teenagers....I imagine he runs a fairly tight ship, but he faces the same trials as I do on a daily basis and I'm finding that terribly amusing... of course, I can, because my kids are 18 and 20... his, at 16 and 14 still have a ways to go. I really enjoy hearing the interaction he has, especially with his daughter, because I hear myself in his side of the conversation... just in a lower octave, and the answers back are the same crap my sons feed me on a daily basis...
Here is my chance to interject my theory on teenagers... Well, teenage boys at least... they suffer from what I like to call "Anal-Cranial Displacement Disorder" or ACDD for short... not to be confused with ADD or ADHD. ACDD causes them to do all sorts of stupid things... not any fault of their own, their heads are just so firmly implanted up their asses, they suffer from a lack of oxygen. The symptoms do subside over time, but in men will, on occasion, return... you know, like when they forget their girlfriend's birthday, or their aniversary, or have thirty cocktails too many at the company Christmas party....
Anyway... I will close with some <3 and :-) and LOLOLOL's because I'm so freaking HAPPY!!!
...Gagging yet?
Later...
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Deja VOODOO.....
Ok - so we've discussed the fact that I signed up for three, count 'em three dating sites... Anyone who knows me, know's my motto is "If it's worth doing it's worth OVER doing!"
The only one I've had any luck with is that one "with more dates, relationships and marriages than hair follicles on a cat...." as opposed to the one with the "almost 30 dimensions of compatibility that is just a hair short of actually realizing what it is you want".....
I bought a 3 month membership to the one that's sort of a combination of the two... it's the bastardized version of the E-melody site calling itself some horrifying subject I took in highschool.... one of the sciences, you know the one with all the chemicals.... hmmm... let's call it Biology.com just for safety's sake. Anyhow, I got a "He Noticed You!" notification from there this morning..... and that was just another little reminder of what a freaking waste of money the site is....
We've determined that at least on the good site, I met someone I can definitely see having a relationship with, and am hoping it leads to a removal of both our profiles... mine is already sort of defunct because I only bought the one month version, but "Cute New Guy" bought a longer term sentence I think, so who knows when or if that will happen.... meeting him came at the end of many games of "Douche, douche, loser" with my kids...
Something I wish the dating sites would recognize is that many of their members are on multiple sites... and develop a fully functional BLOCK feature that spans all contact across disciplines. Ever. The reason, is the guy who sent the "He noticed you" email to me this morning, has contacted me multiple times on multiple sites, even though I sent one of their "Polite, I'm not interested" notes... I haven't received one of these notes, so I'm thinking they must be terribly ambiguous, or the guy is challenged, or just very determined.
He looks like he's lived a VERY hard life for a man of 49....eeeeeew! Again, he sent a charming photo he took of himself sitting at his computer, with a second even creepier photo that shows he has no teeth in... That isn't funny or engaging, it's just a little disturbing to be honest...
With this particular guy I tried the polite note first...then ignoring the subsequent notes...and so he's moved to the tactic of multiple dating site contacts now, and I'm feeling a little violated....
I'm not sure how you diplomatically state disinterest, but how 'bout starting with the following choices:
This, of course leads to today's etiquette lesson... send ONE wink OR email, but don't do both unless you get some sort of positive response back to the first one.... continuing pursuit otherwise is a little like molestation by email... Oh GOD... I feel so dirty!
Later.....
The only one I've had any luck with is that one "with more dates, relationships and marriages than hair follicles on a cat...." as opposed to the one with the "almost 30 dimensions of compatibility that is just a hair short of actually realizing what it is you want".....
I bought a 3 month membership to the one that's sort of a combination of the two... it's the bastardized version of the E-melody site calling itself some horrifying subject I took in highschool.... one of the sciences, you know the one with all the chemicals.... hmmm... let's call it Biology.com just for safety's sake. Anyhow, I got a "He Noticed You!" notification from there this morning..... and that was just another little reminder of what a freaking waste of money the site is....
We've determined that at least on the good site, I met someone I can definitely see having a relationship with, and am hoping it leads to a removal of both our profiles... mine is already sort of defunct because I only bought the one month version, but "Cute New Guy" bought a longer term sentence I think, so who knows when or if that will happen.... meeting him came at the end of many games of "Douche, douche, loser" with my kids...
Something I wish the dating sites would recognize is that many of their members are on multiple sites... and develop a fully functional BLOCK feature that spans all contact across disciplines. Ever. The reason, is the guy who sent the "He noticed you" email to me this morning, has contacted me multiple times on multiple sites, even though I sent one of their "Polite, I'm not interested" notes... I haven't received one of these notes, so I'm thinking they must be terribly ambiguous, or the guy is challenged, or just very determined.
He looks like he's lived a VERY hard life for a man of 49....eeeeeew! Again, he sent a charming photo he took of himself sitting at his computer, with a second even creepier photo that shows he has no teeth in... That isn't funny or engaging, it's just a little disturbing to be honest...
With this particular guy I tried the polite note first...then ignoring the subsequent notes...and so he's moved to the tactic of multiple dating site contacts now, and I'm feeling a little violated....
I'm not sure how you diplomatically state disinterest, but how 'bout starting with the following choices:
- "Thank you for your note but there's NO chance of any sort of bodily fluid exchange. EVER. Yes, really."
- "I appreciate your interest, but.....OMFG are you KIDDING ME?!"
- "Thanks for the note! Please F*CK OFF!...Have a nice day...Smileyface...."
This, of course leads to today's etiquette lesson... send ONE wink OR email, but don't do both unless you get some sort of positive response back to the first one.... continuing pursuit otherwise is a little like molestation by email... Oh GOD... I feel so dirty!
Later.....
Sunday, 29 May 2011
Now I know why you're not supposed to dip your pen in company ink.....
So made it home from Houston in one piece... the weather at home is not half as nice as it was in Houston, so I kinda wish I'd stayed an extra day even though I didn't get to see the people I wanted to see aside from my very happily married friends.... GAG!...I just threw up a little in my mouth just then...Oh well....
The course I took was on project management, so I can't say it was a whole lotta laughs, but it was pretty interesting for the most part. Problem was, at the beginning of the class, we had to tell everyone what part of the business we worked in... so, as soon as I mention the office I work out of, the guy beside me says... "Oh - I know a guy from there... do you know him?" Of course it's my ex... SERIOUSLY? Out of 16 thousand employees he has to know HIM??
"Yup - I know him... intimately." was on my tongue, but I just said... "Yes, we used to date."... to which buddy replies "Oh! Well the BOY is gonna settle down SOMETIME." in that cute twangy little Texan drawl...JUST what a jettisoned ex wants to hear....
I would have much prefered hearing he was nuts for letting a gem like me go and that he'll live to regret it....but alas, it wasn't to be. I'm guessing the BOY isn't gonna ever settle down. At the age of 47 if he's still looking for a first live in love, he won't find anyone soon.
He was the topic of conversation a few times over the course of the week... I pasted a smile on, and said truthfully, I'm grateful for having known him, and I truly am. He is a wonderful man.
After the course ended, I headed to our main office on the way out to the airport, to meet the team I work with remotely. The team lead was a little late for our meeting, so I was in the hallway waiting for her and notice on the walls of her cubicle, she has big, blown up photos of my ex... he is on the same corporate team as me, working in that gorgeous foreign locale I talked about earlier, you know, the place with world famous beaches and some of the most beautiful women in the world just dying to land a rich ex-pat? He acted as tour guide for all the US employees who went down to visit, and these photos were from there. A cruel reminder that his life is all shiny and exciting....While mine consists of parenting two boys...As fun as that sounds, it's NOT all glamor, let me assure you...
I have to admit, with my recent interest in Cute New Guy neither of the situations I've just described really hurt though... I will always be grateful to have met my ex... he taught me a lot, and made me realize what I deserve in a partner, and I'm hoping that lesson never leaves.
Speaking of C.N.G, he called me last night from his business meeting in Phoenix. He called while I was in Houston too, so I was a little taken aback by the attention. I haven't had someone pursue me like that since my 30's...Sure feels good... but I digress....
We were chatting about his sister who hasn't dated in years... he was telling her about internet dating, which is something she hasn't tried... they got into a whole conversation about the whole "catalogue mentality" I've been mentioning... the fact that you can go in and basically select your partner based on the qualities you want.... I happen to have an attraction to dark hair and blue eyes... and that's what cute new guy has... he was asking his sister what she found attractive, based on height, body type and hair and eye color, and she was AMAZED when he was able to pull up a list of men that fit her criteria... He told her "See? It's just like shopping!" Which is good AND bad....
It almost feels like there's an endless supply of people out there who can be catagorized according to their attributes... and if one gets tiresome, you just go get a new one. The problem here is that women tend to be nesters, and men tend to be hunters....
I find there are a lot of risk takers out there too... Again I'm getting endless communications from men in their freaking 60's.... ugh! I'm glad they're so secure, but I just can't see myself with a 60 year old guy! That is, until I'm approaching 60 myself... and if I'm single then, I will NOT be interested in the 80 year old who still considers himself to be virile....unless, of course, he has no children, an oxygen tank and dimentia, to go along with his millions of dollars...
Later...
The course I took was on project management, so I can't say it was a whole lotta laughs, but it was pretty interesting for the most part. Problem was, at the beginning of the class, we had to tell everyone what part of the business we worked in... so, as soon as I mention the office I work out of, the guy beside me says... "Oh - I know a guy from there... do you know him?" Of course it's my ex... SERIOUSLY? Out of 16 thousand employees he has to know HIM??
"Yup - I know him... intimately." was on my tongue, but I just said... "Yes, we used to date."... to which buddy replies "Oh! Well the BOY is gonna settle down SOMETIME." in that cute twangy little Texan drawl...JUST what a jettisoned ex wants to hear....
I would have much prefered hearing he was nuts for letting a gem like me go and that he'll live to regret it....but alas, it wasn't to be. I'm guessing the BOY isn't gonna ever settle down. At the age of 47 if he's still looking for a first live in love, he won't find anyone soon.
He was the topic of conversation a few times over the course of the week... I pasted a smile on, and said truthfully, I'm grateful for having known him, and I truly am. He is a wonderful man.
After the course ended, I headed to our main office on the way out to the airport, to meet the team I work with remotely. The team lead was a little late for our meeting, so I was in the hallway waiting for her and notice on the walls of her cubicle, she has big, blown up photos of my ex... he is on the same corporate team as me, working in that gorgeous foreign locale I talked about earlier, you know, the place with world famous beaches and some of the most beautiful women in the world just dying to land a rich ex-pat? He acted as tour guide for all the US employees who went down to visit, and these photos were from there. A cruel reminder that his life is all shiny and exciting....While mine consists of parenting two boys...As fun as that sounds, it's NOT all glamor, let me assure you...
I have to admit, with my recent interest in Cute New Guy neither of the situations I've just described really hurt though... I will always be grateful to have met my ex... he taught me a lot, and made me realize what I deserve in a partner, and I'm hoping that lesson never leaves.
Speaking of C.N.G, he called me last night from his business meeting in Phoenix. He called while I was in Houston too, so I was a little taken aback by the attention. I haven't had someone pursue me like that since my 30's...Sure feels good... but I digress....
We were chatting about his sister who hasn't dated in years... he was telling her about internet dating, which is something she hasn't tried... they got into a whole conversation about the whole "catalogue mentality" I've been mentioning... the fact that you can go in and basically select your partner based on the qualities you want.... I happen to have an attraction to dark hair and blue eyes... and that's what cute new guy has... he was asking his sister what she found attractive, based on height, body type and hair and eye color, and she was AMAZED when he was able to pull up a list of men that fit her criteria... He told her "See? It's just like shopping!" Which is good AND bad....
It almost feels like there's an endless supply of people out there who can be catagorized according to their attributes... and if one gets tiresome, you just go get a new one. The problem here is that women tend to be nesters, and men tend to be hunters....
I find there are a lot of risk takers out there too... Again I'm getting endless communications from men in their freaking 60's.... ugh! I'm glad they're so secure, but I just can't see myself with a 60 year old guy! That is, until I'm approaching 60 myself... and if I'm single then, I will NOT be interested in the 80 year old who still considers himself to be virile....unless, of course, he has no children, an oxygen tank and dimentia, to go along with his millions of dollars...
Later...
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Time flies when you're having fun.....
...and when you're not.... Good-freaking-GOD it goes slowly....
I'm in a course in Houston all week, and because I'm the only person who flew in from out of town, I am left to myself all evening. Picked up a book my cute new guy recommended, but haven't started to read it yet... maybe tonight....
We have now gone out on 3 official dates, and I had him over for a visit in the afternoon last weekend. My problem isn't that I don't like him, it's that I have no idea what the etiquette is for this internet dating thing. I have had several emails from men during the time I've been hanging out with this guy, a couple I might even have met for that dreaded "business meeting".... I am starting to feel something for this guy though, and have realized I need to GIVE MY HEAD A SHAKE.... He is very attentive, generally calls every day, has done a few really cute little things for me, but is still active on the site.... Again, I'm not stalking him, I just can see in my connections when he's been online.
I went on yesterday because I always feel as though it's rude not to at least answer the guys who have taken the time to write me... ok... well... for the CUTE guys who have written anyway....I'm still being approached by men who are in their very late 50's and early to mid 60's... I'm still like "EEEEEEEEEEEW"... The last one, was 69 years old, and his preamble was that I shouldn't worry about his age, because he thinks he doesn't LOOK 69....He does.
Anyhow, when those show up, I don't always answer, because the last time I did, I tried the whole...
"Um - thanks for your note, but you're like 69 years old.... and I think we're just in different places in life. Ya, that's it... different PLACES... "
To which this creepy guy writes me back "Give me your address, and then we'll be in the same place." Just to add to the creep factor, he adds "lol!!" AND he's now dressed up as a clown in his profile picture.... Reminded me of John Wayne Gacy...
Did I mention I'm terrified of clowns? I am. It's a real thing... there's even a name for the fear of clowns, but I'm so creeped out talking about this that I can't remember what the word is.
So today's issue is that I'm not sure what the whole deal is with this. I found a guy I quite like, and with whom I'd like to try a relationship. He acts as though he likes me, but we both still have profiles up. We've seen each other 4 times, so we're past that usual 3 date rule, and I have to say, if I had decided to get "friendly" with him, in the real world I would want us not to be seeing other people.... so... what's the etiquette around this?
My thoughts are, I'm not getting busy until I feel comfortable that it's worth it, and that my "partner" isn't getting busy with other women....
Getting naked is just not something I do lightly, and the older I get, the less likely I am to be comfortable dropping trou with someone who may be looking for an upgrade. We're back to that whole catalogue mentality again... I have a whole bunch of stuff to say about that, but I've got a dinner date with a happily married Houston friend.... UGH! Seriously, I love them, but it's a little sickening all that love and crap...I'm sure she'll have some advice for me....
Later....
I'm in a course in Houston all week, and because I'm the only person who flew in from out of town, I am left to myself all evening. Picked up a book my cute new guy recommended, but haven't started to read it yet... maybe tonight....
We have now gone out on 3 official dates, and I had him over for a visit in the afternoon last weekend. My problem isn't that I don't like him, it's that I have no idea what the etiquette is for this internet dating thing. I have had several emails from men during the time I've been hanging out with this guy, a couple I might even have met for that dreaded "business meeting".... I am starting to feel something for this guy though, and have realized I need to GIVE MY HEAD A SHAKE.... He is very attentive, generally calls every day, has done a few really cute little things for me, but is still active on the site.... Again, I'm not stalking him, I just can see in my connections when he's been online.
I went on yesterday because I always feel as though it's rude not to at least answer the guys who have taken the time to write me... ok... well... for the CUTE guys who have written anyway....I'm still being approached by men who are in their very late 50's and early to mid 60's... I'm still like "EEEEEEEEEEEW"... The last one, was 69 years old, and his preamble was that I shouldn't worry about his age, because he thinks he doesn't LOOK 69....He does.
Anyhow, when those show up, I don't always answer, because the last time I did, I tried the whole...
"Um - thanks for your note, but you're like 69 years old.... and I think we're just in different places in life. Ya, that's it... different PLACES... "
To which this creepy guy writes me back "Give me your address, and then we'll be in the same place." Just to add to the creep factor, he adds "lol!!" AND he's now dressed up as a clown in his profile picture.... Reminded me of John Wayne Gacy...
Did I mention I'm terrified of clowns? I am. It's a real thing... there's even a name for the fear of clowns, but I'm so creeped out talking about this that I can't remember what the word is.
So today's issue is that I'm not sure what the whole deal is with this. I found a guy I quite like, and with whom I'd like to try a relationship. He acts as though he likes me, but we both still have profiles up. We've seen each other 4 times, so we're past that usual 3 date rule, and I have to say, if I had decided to get "friendly" with him, in the real world I would want us not to be seeing other people.... so... what's the etiquette around this?
My thoughts are, I'm not getting busy until I feel comfortable that it's worth it, and that my "partner" isn't getting busy with other women....
Getting naked is just not something I do lightly, and the older I get, the less likely I am to be comfortable dropping trou with someone who may be looking for an upgrade. We're back to that whole catalogue mentality again... I have a whole bunch of stuff to say about that, but I've got a dinner date with a happily married Houston friend.... UGH! Seriously, I love them, but it's a little sickening all that love and crap...I'm sure she'll have some advice for me....
Later....
Friday, 20 May 2011
Holy COW the stuff you learn at the hair dresser's place....
I went to college and have done night school, but to be honest, the education I get at my hairdresser's place is much more useful in the real world... I mean, she has a never ending supply of trashy magazines to fill my weird penchant for celebrity gossip... I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear those are the sorts of facts that stay in my brain, while anything actually practical or useful just falls out the back of my head as quickly as it enters.....
Anyhow, my hairdresser-slash-good friend has a salon in her home, so she generally has two clients going at the time.... As I'm sitting there looking especially glamorous with red dye all over my head, a woman who I've been scheduled with a few times walks in... When you're sitting there waiting on the color to set, it's a real bonding process... I mean, you're kinda seeing each other at your most vulnerable... tin foil all over your head and the smell of amonia in the air....I think some sort of Vulcan mind meld occurs as a result of the metal amonia mix...The last time we were there at the same time, she was telling me about the new guy she'd met online... She seemed to be really happy, so I asked her how it was going with him....
I almost had my jaw hit the floor when she proceeds to tell me that he had scammed her for big cash... the guy actually lives in town... he told her he was a Brazilian who had come here several years ago, and was working as an undercover cop... He had the whole cop lingo thing down, and was very convincing I guess... anyhow, she had been seeing him for about 5 weeks, when he suddenly tells her his sister is back in Brazil, and has been kidnapped. He is trying to come up with the money to ransom her, so he asks to borrow 16 grand... and she gave it to him, trusting that he is who he says he is....
Have you ever heard the "Big Lie Theory"? The premise is, the larger the lie, the easier it is to believe... well, this was a freaking WHOPPER, so I guess it's a case in point.
She has since done some digging and found out he isn't Brazilian, but rather is from the Middle East, and he isn't single, he is married with 4 kids, is about 15 years older than he told her he was, and he is skilled at conning.... He is so convincing with his bullshit, that he actually conned a female police officer in a much bigger city of over 25 grand using the same story! Then she goes on to tell me that he also conned one of her Facebook friends... he convinced this guy that he was a car salesman, and if the friend paid cash for a specific car, he'd knock 6 grand off the price.... so buddy handed over the money, only to go pick the car up the next day and find out he's been conned too.... Why is this guy not in JAIL??
There I smugly sat thinking I'm WAY too smart for that... then I realized not so much. I actually allowed the alcoholic I dated for 7 years to move in with me, and I footed the bill for that whole time... so who's the dummy here?
She was telling me how it seems weird to her now, that he showed up on her doorstep with a kid he said was his "nephew"... and she was never invited to his house... I know you should be cautious about letting people know where you live at first, but after 5 weeks you should be comfortable enough to know where each other lives, right? This reminds me of an interesting anecdote....Even when you do exchange that information it's no guarantee things are going to be "normal"....
So - About a month after I signed up for internet dating the first time... 5 years or so ago now, I guess, I start chatting with a very attractive guy. He's an engineer, has a house in a very nice area of town, is a dad of 3 kids he has half the time. He's easy to talk to, so as I've told you before, we go through the process of deciding to meet for coffee... he says, "How about we meet for a coffee after work one afternoon.... I work at the corner of X avenue and Y street..." So I say "Which building are you in?" "Why?" he says.... "Because I work on the corner of X avenue and Y street too." So, as you might be guessing now, we find out we work for different companies in the same building....
We meet for coffee and things go very well, so we decide we're going to meet for dinner a couple of weeks later. We have a great date, so decide to get together again... he invites me to his house for a nice dinner and glass of wine out in his back yard, and I reciprocate a week or so later. During this visit to my place, he says he knows a guy at my company and asks if I know him... it turns out I work closely with one of his neighbors.... anyhoo... he starts to freak out a bit because of the "closeness" of it all... and tells me he's been thinking about the ramifications of things if we were to split up after starting a relationship... and he tells me he just can't take the risk....
I tell him that's fine, but that he doesn't have to worry... I won't become a stalker... so... in the next year or so, I think I run into him about 3 times in the elevator. The last time I see him we actually chat... Next thing I know, I get an email, with an attachment... he says some innocuous thing in the email, about how he's sorry he freaked out but he didn't want to risk his PROFESSIONAL IMAGE... Oh the irony of THAT statement....but he now realizes I wasn't a risk to him... This is where things get really weird...
When I open the attachment, it's a couple of pictures of him in his office, with his pants undone... He's strategically cut the photo off just above his junk, but I now know he's a real blonde...and there's no question what he's doing with his hand.... so I send a note back to say that I'm fine with the way things turned out. I know him a LOT BETTER than I did before.... and that I hope he had his door shut while he was...um...getting busy....
I end up telling my best friend, who works with me... she, of course, wants to see the pictures.... so being the evil witch I am, I share with her... next day she calls..."You're never going to BELIEVE who I rode up the elevator with!... Holy SHIT! It was all I could do not to look to see if his fly is closed!" Funniest part is, I could have printed that photo and posted it in the lobby at work if I was the sort of person he was so worried about...Here the guy is with three kids old enough to be using a computer... wonder what else is on his "Hard Drive"... He's sending compromising pictures out in an email and he's worried about ME?
Talking to my girlfriend later, I tell her I'm having a hard time making eye contact with "Naked Picture Guy"'s friend, wondering what sort of block parties they have..... I guess you just never know who you're meeting...
Later...
Anyhow, my hairdresser-slash-good friend has a salon in her home, so she generally has two clients going at the time.... As I'm sitting there looking especially glamorous with red dye all over my head, a woman who I've been scheduled with a few times walks in... When you're sitting there waiting on the color to set, it's a real bonding process... I mean, you're kinda seeing each other at your most vulnerable... tin foil all over your head and the smell of amonia in the air....I think some sort of Vulcan mind meld occurs as a result of the metal amonia mix...The last time we were there at the same time, she was telling me about the new guy she'd met online... She seemed to be really happy, so I asked her how it was going with him....
I almost had my jaw hit the floor when she proceeds to tell me that he had scammed her for big cash... the guy actually lives in town... he told her he was a Brazilian who had come here several years ago, and was working as an undercover cop... He had the whole cop lingo thing down, and was very convincing I guess... anyhow, she had been seeing him for about 5 weeks, when he suddenly tells her his sister is back in Brazil, and has been kidnapped. He is trying to come up with the money to ransom her, so he asks to borrow 16 grand... and she gave it to him, trusting that he is who he says he is....
Have you ever heard the "Big Lie Theory"? The premise is, the larger the lie, the easier it is to believe... well, this was a freaking WHOPPER, so I guess it's a case in point.
She has since done some digging and found out he isn't Brazilian, but rather is from the Middle East, and he isn't single, he is married with 4 kids, is about 15 years older than he told her he was, and he is skilled at conning.... He is so convincing with his bullshit, that he actually conned a female police officer in a much bigger city of over 25 grand using the same story! Then she goes on to tell me that he also conned one of her Facebook friends... he convinced this guy that he was a car salesman, and if the friend paid cash for a specific car, he'd knock 6 grand off the price.... so buddy handed over the money, only to go pick the car up the next day and find out he's been conned too.... Why is this guy not in JAIL??
There I smugly sat thinking I'm WAY too smart for that... then I realized not so much. I actually allowed the alcoholic I dated for 7 years to move in with me, and I footed the bill for that whole time... so who's the dummy here?
She was telling me how it seems weird to her now, that he showed up on her doorstep with a kid he said was his "nephew"... and she was never invited to his house... I know you should be cautious about letting people know where you live at first, but after 5 weeks you should be comfortable enough to know where each other lives, right? This reminds me of an interesting anecdote....Even when you do exchange that information it's no guarantee things are going to be "normal"....
So - About a month after I signed up for internet dating the first time... 5 years or so ago now, I guess, I start chatting with a very attractive guy. He's an engineer, has a house in a very nice area of town, is a dad of 3 kids he has half the time. He's easy to talk to, so as I've told you before, we go through the process of deciding to meet for coffee... he says, "How about we meet for a coffee after work one afternoon.... I work at the corner of X avenue and Y street..." So I say "Which building are you in?" "Why?" he says.... "Because I work on the corner of X avenue and Y street too." So, as you might be guessing now, we find out we work for different companies in the same building....
We meet for coffee and things go very well, so we decide we're going to meet for dinner a couple of weeks later. We have a great date, so decide to get together again... he invites me to his house for a nice dinner and glass of wine out in his back yard, and I reciprocate a week or so later. During this visit to my place, he says he knows a guy at my company and asks if I know him... it turns out I work closely with one of his neighbors.... anyhoo... he starts to freak out a bit because of the "closeness" of it all... and tells me he's been thinking about the ramifications of things if we were to split up after starting a relationship... and he tells me he just can't take the risk....
I tell him that's fine, but that he doesn't have to worry... I won't become a stalker... so... in the next year or so, I think I run into him about 3 times in the elevator. The last time I see him we actually chat... Next thing I know, I get an email, with an attachment... he says some innocuous thing in the email, about how he's sorry he freaked out but he didn't want to risk his PROFESSIONAL IMAGE... Oh the irony of THAT statement....but he now realizes I wasn't a risk to him... This is where things get really weird...
When I open the attachment, it's a couple of pictures of him in his office, with his pants undone... He's strategically cut the photo off just above his junk, but I now know he's a real blonde...and there's no question what he's doing with his hand.... so I send a note back to say that I'm fine with the way things turned out. I know him a LOT BETTER than I did before.... and that I hope he had his door shut while he was...um...getting busy....
I end up telling my best friend, who works with me... she, of course, wants to see the pictures.... so being the evil witch I am, I share with her... next day she calls..."You're never going to BELIEVE who I rode up the elevator with!... Holy SHIT! It was all I could do not to look to see if his fly is closed!" Funniest part is, I could have printed that photo and posted it in the lobby at work if I was the sort of person he was so worried about...Here the guy is with three kids old enough to be using a computer... wonder what else is on his "Hard Drive"... He's sending compromising pictures out in an email and he's worried about ME?
Talking to my girlfriend later, I tell her I'm having a hard time making eye contact with "Naked Picture Guy"'s friend, wondering what sort of block parties they have..... I guess you just never know who you're meeting...
Later...
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Bending the 3 date Rule....
So things have changed a bit at home for me... ok - remember how I told you I left the vet's office with a year old cat to bring home, and that I was going to stop by the Humane Society to potentially get another? Well, I did... I now have two male cats...one is a year old, and the other is a year and a half... interesting to watch them figure out which of them is the dominant one... kinda reminds me of my sons. One is a little older, but smaller, the other is bigger, and slower to attack... they walk around the house like petite lions...very wary of one another...and then one will POUNCE... this results in bloodcurdling screams and fur flying like a scene from Edward Scissorhands... Clumps of hair flying everywhere and they're literally going for the juggular...
I have since invested in a water bottle, so when they start that I spray them until they break it up.... I feel like a terrible mother, but the fur flying is slowly becoming less savage, ok, that's a complete load of crap, I get a perverse joy out of spraying them when they're acting like assholes.... I'm really hoping they'll eventually grow to like one another, but that remains to be seen.... This last couple of weeks has shown me that I'm going to have to find another career choice for my future... "Crazy Cat Lady" just might not pan out for me, because I'm finding the daily scooping of litter and moderating their disagreements is not as fun as it sounded in the brochure.... There goes my dream...
Last night I basically vegged, sort of absorbing the last couple of weeks... talked to a girlfriend about the fact that E-melody isn't working out for her... she went in with a very open mind, and decided to meet several of the guys they sent her. These are very smart men in the book sense... one was a lawyer, one a dentist, but she is finding that ellusive "Spark" to be the dimension E-melody's phyche profile is missing... ugh! Why isn't there a way to quantify that?
It's not all based on looks either...We got into a discussion about the fact that physical attraction is a part of the package for sure... You don't go LOOKING for a guy with a third eye in the middle of his forehead for example, and despite all the assertions that "it's the INSIDE that counts", that's only true to a point. While my "Dream Guy" has always been dark hair and blue eyes, the coloring my dad had, I've felt attraction over the years to tall men, short men, dark haired men, blondes, one red head, skinny guys, husky guys... chemistry can happen with someone way outside what your "preferences" are. I know things generally work out best when you come from similar backgrounds, but sometimes the person you do best with fills in your deficits as it were.... you need that common ground, but you also need to be strong where they're weak and vice versa...
Bottom line here, if you have nothing in common and the guy or girl is HAWT you'll probably relax some of the "Must haves"... that doesn't seem to work as well conversely though... If the person you meet for that first coffee is totally your cup of tea ....except for that symbiotic twin growing out of the side of his head, it's gonna take a little longer to get over, and as I said before, for me if the connection isn't there in 17 seconds it isn't there ever....
Maybe we all have a skewed vision of our own attractiveness... I know my friends say I'm "attractive", at least I THINK that's what they said... it could have been "special" but I can't remember for sure... Before now I never had a hard time getting dates, but I have to keep in mind I've only had 3 relationships in the last 23 years, one for 10 years, one for 7 and one for 3.
Most men my age are looking for someone who belongs on the cover of Maxim magazine...No matter what THEY look like, and while I look pretty good in clothes, we've discussed my shortcomings before. I completely acknowledge I have some attributes that are less than flawless, but there isn't much I can do...
Most of my male friends have told me not to worry about it, because once a guy has you naked he doesn't care anymore that you aren't perfect... is that simply because men will nail ANYTHING, or because they really see the woman they're with as beautiful... that is the question....
I suppose if you've taken time to get to that point, and the guy likes hanging out with you for the company and your sparkling wit then he may very well gloss over the flaws, like applying a "Doris Day Filter" to you... remember how they used to always have that misty filter over her face in the movies? Someone could make BILLIONS if they could give women over 40 that look all the time....
Anyhow, I have decided the fact that I don't subscribe to the 3 date rule could actually work in my favor... guess we'll see....
Later....
I have since invested in a water bottle, so when they start that I spray them until they break it up.... I feel like a terrible mother, but the fur flying is slowly becoming less savage, ok, that's a complete load of crap, I get a perverse joy out of spraying them when they're acting like assholes.... I'm really hoping they'll eventually grow to like one another, but that remains to be seen.... This last couple of weeks has shown me that I'm going to have to find another career choice for my future... "Crazy Cat Lady" just might not pan out for me, because I'm finding the daily scooping of litter and moderating their disagreements is not as fun as it sounded in the brochure.... There goes my dream...
Last night I basically vegged, sort of absorbing the last couple of weeks... talked to a girlfriend about the fact that E-melody isn't working out for her... she went in with a very open mind, and decided to meet several of the guys they sent her. These are very smart men in the book sense... one was a lawyer, one a dentist, but she is finding that ellusive "Spark" to be the dimension E-melody's phyche profile is missing... ugh! Why isn't there a way to quantify that?
It's not all based on looks either...We got into a discussion about the fact that physical attraction is a part of the package for sure... You don't go LOOKING for a guy with a third eye in the middle of his forehead for example, and despite all the assertions that "it's the INSIDE that counts", that's only true to a point. While my "Dream Guy" has always been dark hair and blue eyes, the coloring my dad had, I've felt attraction over the years to tall men, short men, dark haired men, blondes, one red head, skinny guys, husky guys... chemistry can happen with someone way outside what your "preferences" are. I know things generally work out best when you come from similar backgrounds, but sometimes the person you do best with fills in your deficits as it were.... you need that common ground, but you also need to be strong where they're weak and vice versa...
Bottom line here, if you have nothing in common and the guy or girl is HAWT you'll probably relax some of the "Must haves"... that doesn't seem to work as well conversely though... If the person you meet for that first coffee is totally your cup of tea ....except for that symbiotic twin growing out of the side of his head, it's gonna take a little longer to get over, and as I said before, for me if the connection isn't there in 17 seconds it isn't there ever....
Maybe we all have a skewed vision of our own attractiveness... I know my friends say I'm "attractive", at least I THINK that's what they said... it could have been "special" but I can't remember for sure... Before now I never had a hard time getting dates, but I have to keep in mind I've only had 3 relationships in the last 23 years, one for 10 years, one for 7 and one for 3.
Most men my age are looking for someone who belongs on the cover of Maxim magazine...No matter what THEY look like, and while I look pretty good in clothes, we've discussed my shortcomings before. I completely acknowledge I have some attributes that are less than flawless, but there isn't much I can do...
Most of my male friends have told me not to worry about it, because once a guy has you naked he doesn't care anymore that you aren't perfect... is that simply because men will nail ANYTHING, or because they really see the woman they're with as beautiful... that is the question....
I suppose if you've taken time to get to that point, and the guy likes hanging out with you for the company and your sparkling wit then he may very well gloss over the flaws, like applying a "Doris Day Filter" to you... remember how they used to always have that misty filter over her face in the movies? Someone could make BILLIONS if they could give women over 40 that look all the time....
Anyhow, I have decided the fact that I don't subscribe to the 3 date rule could actually work in my favor... guess we'll see....
Later....
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Was it something I said?....
Had an interesting talk with my new friend about his experiences with internet dating. I always find it comforting to hear the common issues between men and women, and the stories that kind of point out the differences in the sexes....
He was telling me about the strangest encounter he's had to date... He was chatting with a woman online and things appeared to be going well, so they spoke over the phone... things went smoothly there, so they moved on to step 3, the dreaded meet and greet... They arranged to meet at a coffee place so he showed up on time, as is his habit. She was late, so he decided after sitting there for about 15 minutes, to order himself a capuccino. Just as he was taking his first sip, she walked in the door and came over to the table. After the introductions are made, he asks what she'd like to have...at which point she burst into tears and tells him "I shouldn't be here!!", and literally runs out the door.... So there he is, sitting in a cafe with an audience of 15 other people...
He seems to be pretty comfortable in his own skin, so I'm sure he handled it better than I would have, but all I could say was "Wow..." I mean, I understand the internet is a fantastic place for people who have been out of the dating game to start getting their skills of innane bullshit conversation back... you know, the horrifyingly vanilla conversation you have when you are trying to get to know someone?
"OMG!! You like chocolate AND puppies?!... I can't believe we have so much in COMMON... I love them TOO!!!".... "What about flowers and rainbows?!?!"...
...but REALLY folks, if you're not ready to actually leave the house and interact with someone why agree to go....
A couple of years ago, during my first foray into this surreal world of the internet, I "met" a guy online who seemed great during the online chat portion of the dance, so I agreed to meet him... he steered the conversation so that I ended up having to drive all the way across town to meet him at a coffee shop near HIS house...which should have been a clue as to the kind of guy I was meeting. The second he walked in, I could feel a totally negative vibe coming off him... and he explodes, immediately, into a scathing diatribe about how his ex wife completely burned him, took off with all the cash, and blindsided him by leaving, and poisoning his kid against him, but he got her back and now the son lives with him... at the age of 26... He took a breath at this point to ask me what I did for a living, and when I told him, he announced that I probably made way more than he did, AND I was cashing in on Child Support no doubt.... then back to HIS ex wife...she was the spawn of Satan, and he isn't sure he'll EVER trust another woman...
He seriously went on for about 30 minutes of explatives and increasing volume as he spewed this vitriol toward the woman who bore him a child... I'm almost positive he sprouted horns and had red irises at this point, but I couldn't be sure, because I was doing everything I could not to make eye contact.. I was afraid if I did he'd go for my throat.... We had an audience of about 15 people as well, and my subconcious was telling me they were listening in...Yeesh....
I'm doing that whole "Oh - Wow... look at the time.... I have to .... um.... shave my cat... ya, that's it... sorry, gotta run..."
The best part? When we left the shop, and I'm almost flat out SPRINTING to my car he says "so... are we going to see each other again?"... I said "I have to be honest... I don't think so."... thank GOD I was at the car, so could get in and lock the doors... I mean, seriously, he HAD to know I was sitting there trying to become invisible. What did he expect?
"Oh, YES I can't WAIT to see you again... just the mere CHANCE to be the next woman to be cherished by a manly man like you is more than enough incentive for me, what are you doing tomorrow?"
I was half way convinced he was going to throw himself on the hood of my car or launch a boulder through the windshield....
So... today's musing? I'm seriously thinking, if you have that little gut feel that perhaps you aren't ready to let go of your past, it might be a clue not to inflict your sorry ass on a new person.... I'm all about "getting out there", and sometimes you still have feelings for someone from your past, good or bad, but when you realize it's time to let go and move on, THAT'S when you should get out there and see where you go from here... Do the world at large a favor, and wait until you can at least PRETEND to be happy in public....
I notice E-melody has sent me another perfect match... haha... if he stands over 5 foot 4 and speaks English it'll be an improvement over the last few... At first they're sending you about 20 matches a day but the number dwindles as they run out of supply, so they start sending you "ideal matches" from further and further away, until you don't hear from them at all... then they start sending you notifications that "Sometimes love takes time..." and "Stick with it you loser shut in, you'll find someone eventually..." to entice you to pay their monthly fee.... I think if I counted on E-melody you'd find my mummified remains covered in spider webs sitting at the monitor waiting for them to find me a match with more in common with me than the fact that we stand upright and have opposable thumbs.... That is assuming, of course, the cats haven't eaten me first.
Later...
He was telling me about the strangest encounter he's had to date... He was chatting with a woman online and things appeared to be going well, so they spoke over the phone... things went smoothly there, so they moved on to step 3, the dreaded meet and greet... They arranged to meet at a coffee place so he showed up on time, as is his habit. She was late, so he decided after sitting there for about 15 minutes, to order himself a capuccino. Just as he was taking his first sip, she walked in the door and came over to the table. After the introductions are made, he asks what she'd like to have...at which point she burst into tears and tells him "I shouldn't be here!!", and literally runs out the door.... So there he is, sitting in a cafe with an audience of 15 other people...
He seems to be pretty comfortable in his own skin, so I'm sure he handled it better than I would have, but all I could say was "Wow..." I mean, I understand the internet is a fantastic place for people who have been out of the dating game to start getting their skills of innane bullshit conversation back... you know, the horrifyingly vanilla conversation you have when you are trying to get to know someone?
"OMG!! You like chocolate AND puppies?!... I can't believe we have so much in COMMON... I love them TOO!!!".... "What about flowers and rainbows?!?!"...
...but REALLY folks, if you're not ready to actually leave the house and interact with someone why agree to go....
A couple of years ago, during my first foray into this surreal world of the internet, I "met" a guy online who seemed great during the online chat portion of the dance, so I agreed to meet him... he steered the conversation so that I ended up having to drive all the way across town to meet him at a coffee shop near HIS house...which should have been a clue as to the kind of guy I was meeting. The second he walked in, I could feel a totally negative vibe coming off him... and he explodes, immediately, into a scathing diatribe about how his ex wife completely burned him, took off with all the cash, and blindsided him by leaving, and poisoning his kid against him, but he got her back and now the son lives with him... at the age of 26... He took a breath at this point to ask me what I did for a living, and when I told him, he announced that I probably made way more than he did, AND I was cashing in on Child Support no doubt.... then back to HIS ex wife...she was the spawn of Satan, and he isn't sure he'll EVER trust another woman...
He seriously went on for about 30 minutes of explatives and increasing volume as he spewed this vitriol toward the woman who bore him a child... I'm almost positive he sprouted horns and had red irises at this point, but I couldn't be sure, because I was doing everything I could not to make eye contact.. I was afraid if I did he'd go for my throat.... We had an audience of about 15 people as well, and my subconcious was telling me they were listening in...Yeesh....
I'm doing that whole "Oh - Wow... look at the time.... I have to .... um.... shave my cat... ya, that's it... sorry, gotta run..."
The best part? When we left the shop, and I'm almost flat out SPRINTING to my car he says "so... are we going to see each other again?"... I said "I have to be honest... I don't think so."... thank GOD I was at the car, so could get in and lock the doors... I mean, seriously, he HAD to know I was sitting there trying to become invisible. What did he expect?
"Oh, YES I can't WAIT to see you again... just the mere CHANCE to be the next woman to be cherished by a manly man like you is more than enough incentive for me, what are you doing tomorrow?"
I was half way convinced he was going to throw himself on the hood of my car or launch a boulder through the windshield....
So... today's musing? I'm seriously thinking, if you have that little gut feel that perhaps you aren't ready to let go of your past, it might be a clue not to inflict your sorry ass on a new person.... I'm all about "getting out there", and sometimes you still have feelings for someone from your past, good or bad, but when you realize it's time to let go and move on, THAT'S when you should get out there and see where you go from here... Do the world at large a favor, and wait until you can at least PRETEND to be happy in public....
I notice E-melody has sent me another perfect match... haha... if he stands over 5 foot 4 and speaks English it'll be an improvement over the last few... At first they're sending you about 20 matches a day but the number dwindles as they run out of supply, so they start sending you "ideal matches" from further and further away, until you don't hear from them at all... then they start sending you notifications that "Sometimes love takes time..." and "Stick with it you loser shut in, you'll find someone eventually..." to entice you to pay their monthly fee.... I think if I counted on E-melody you'd find my mummified remains covered in spider webs sitting at the monitor waiting for them to find me a match with more in common with me than the fact that we stand upright and have opposable thumbs.... That is assuming, of course, the cats haven't eaten me first.
Later...
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